People News
Apr 29, 2007, 1:58 GMT
Alec Baldwin plans book on injustices to divorced dads
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Older Talkback
Q: What do you call a lawyer with the IQ of 50?
A: Your Honor...
The problem with alienation of Fathers from their kids, particularly in California, is a lopsided judiciary that awards total custody to the Mother, more often than not, unless some extraordinary morals issue (Morals? In California? How funny is that?) is involved. I am professionally aware of several cases that, in any other state, with the possible exception of New York (yes, let the laughing die down) would have resulted in at least joint custody, not alternating weekends, months and occasional holidays. True, Mr. Baldwin is no saint, but what individual is, including the opposing combatant Ms. Basinger? Mr. Baldwin has most likely met his saturation point in the unfair struggle of trying to have an equal influence and voice in the raising of his child.
I do not have any respect for a parent that would call his child a pig. This man is abusive to his daughter and should not have access to her. He may state that this is the only time he had done this but I don't believe it. He needs to get into counseling for anger management. It appears that if he can't have his way he explodes. I wouldn't read any thing he writes about 'poor divorced men with children.' If he wanted to do what is right he would get help and quit this horrific battle that appears to be designed to make his ex miserable. I also do not plan on ever going to another movie he is in. He is over and out.
Just to clarify a few points, the research shows that fathers who seek custody, especially when there is a court order enjoining contact with the mother, frequently do get custody. They almost certainly get visitation, whatever their history of abuse. Second, recent research finds that joint physical custody is hard on kids: a primary home with a consistent set of rules, all the kid's stuff, etc., is best. Sharing custody is not a good idea when there is a lot of conflict between the parents. There are many mechanisms for the noncustodial parent to maintain a strong relationship with the child without involving the custodial parent in the exchange of the child. (Baldwin and Bassinger have the resources to make such arrangements, which can be difficult for parents without means.)
In addition, the fathers' rights movement writer from England cited Dr. Richard Gardner. The American Psychological Association and most courts do not accept the validity of Parental Alienation Syndrome, for good reason. It is a highly politicized concept, not a tested psychological constract. Gardner himself was one of the extremely rare cases of a father who was not granted custodial access to his children because of sexual abuse allegations. (Sexual abuse allegations generally do not result in such court orders; it is too difficult to substantiate them.)
Courts rule in the best interest of the child; they do not rule in the best interest of the mother. However, they also respect fathers' rights.
Turning to the particular, Baldwin does have issues -- it is not simply stress caused by the mother that led to hid verbal attack on his young daughter; it was not uncharacteristic or aberrant behavior. He has made nasty, demeaning remarks in public about other women, on stage, unwarranted. He seems to have generalized hostility issues. That does not necessarily mean he should not be a father and should not have a relationship with his daughter; it does mean that it would probably be best for his daughter if their time together were supervised and monitored. It is important that all involved respect the court orders. If the court ordered scheduled telephone conversations with his daughter, then the custodial parent should ensure that those appointments be kept. Unfortunately, sometimes the court orders something that the child doesn't want or that is not necessarily beneficial for the child. The child should have a law guardian appointed by the court who should bring such problems to the attention of the court. The role of law guardian is too limited in New York (and not all law guardians fulfill that limited role as they should) and the child's interests are therefore not protected.
To reiterate my main point, objective research does not support the claims that father's are denied access to their children; it does show that courts do respect fathers' parental rights -- even to the detriment of the child; and that courts generally consider that child support does require giving the father access. The 'bias' in the courts stems from the fact the parent who provides most of the child's care and is most familiar with the child's friends, teachers, doctors, etc., is usually awarded primary custody, and that parent is usually the mother. The idea that Alec Baldwin wants full custody of his daughter, that he is the more engaged and fit parent, does not seem plausible. 'Parental Alienation,' Gardner's mythical construct, refers to one parent alienating the child from the other parent. It seems that Baldwin has done the alienating on his own.
Alec has highlighted a very serious issue which puts the UK high in the league of alienation of parents. Its the laughing stock of Europe in this category.
1)The court never challenges the ridiculous claims a mother may make against the father
2)She is awarded government money to defend and divorce, the father never gets help and is compelled to supply a financial support to the child regardless of the situation, in some cases the mother earns more.
3)If the father is in financial trouble due to court time, time off work, de-motion and sometimes exhaustion, which usually turns into DEAD BEAT or he has a screw loose
4)Most of the symptoms above start with mind games from the mother stopping and starting the access as she sees fit regardless of the courts orders.
5)99% of the judgments go against fathers
6)The UK is the only country in Europe that does not seperate the child from financial settlement.
7)The UK legal system should hang its head in shame when it reads the stats on dead beat fathers as not all are just walking away, in fact most are unable to continue the divorce through financial issues caused by the woman and the legal fraternity milking the legal aid (EVEN smart woman don't see this as taking the money away from the children) (woman underestimate the emotional damage they inflict through there own selfishness with the children)
8)Most fathers cant pay due to financial ruin through the legal system and have 2 choices continue to fight and face even further financial burdens OR back off and try to pay off the burden and then re-engage at a later time (usually the courts announce judgements with the absence of the father or one of the parents.
Usually fathers who continue to fight and face a greater financial burden, have this go against them in the final judgement anyway.
The legal system needs to change as I feel this empowers woman who (not all) are selfish to use the law for there own gain, money and NO ACCESS.
How many woman take the children to the father when the access is to be executed ?
How many woman are allowing access when the father faces financial cash flow issues due to paying for a new home, pay high legal costs, take time off work without pay ?????
Scenario:man leaves home due to marriage breakdown, woman retains house possessions and children, probably finds another boyfriend willing to pay his way, whilst the ex-Husband pays for running costs of house etc = Run up to dead beat dad, this a term used very loosely and I wonder how many men leave the children the night he leaves the home and never returns, that is in essence a definition of dead beat dad.
After all that when some dads get to the end of the divorce, they end up with being a weekend dad, usually every other weekend, I believe McDonald's benefit from this.
Alec sounds abusive to me. Alienated from his child and frustrated by the legal system--his remarks to Ireland reflect a inherent thoughtlessness, immaturity, and disrespect. Kim may or may not exemplify the epitome of mental health, either, but Alec does not seem to be a fit father. Emotional abuse, while not recognized by law as a true detriment to a child's wellbeing, is, in reality, just as damaging as a punch or slap. Mr. Baldwin left a clearly abusive message on his daughter's voice mail, and regardless of who leaked the message, and despite his frustration at not being able to speak with his child as planned, I'm sure this is not the first time he has 'blown it'. It is, instead, the first time his outbursts caught the public eye. It's about time to stop making excuses for inexusable behavior. Hope Kim gets full custody.
For the person who said women were shafted a century ago, and things are different now - wake up! Women are expected to be breadwinners as well as nurturers, and balance the two in ways men are given a pass on.
People whine about men being seen as sperm donors and wallets - too often they are content to be just that, because it requires less responsibility. I know fathers who don't get involved in the lives of their children beyond the most superficial aspects, and yet they suddenly discover how important children are when they divorce their wives?
All this is laughable; if men attempted to be equal partners in raising their children from the outset, they would have more clout in protesting the fact that mothers are preferred custodians. But no, as usual, the problem is with the system, not with the fathers themselves.
I am a father going through a similar situation. My child and I had a great relationship. The moment my soon-to-be ex-wife decided to seek a divorce, she consulted with an attorney, and three days later she called the police and made false allegations against me in the nature of physical abuse against wife, child abduction, threats to kill and mental issues. Criminal charges were later dropped.
The court granted my wife sole legal custody of my child. Although I have never abused my child, the court remains unpersuaded to reinstate my right to have a joint legal custody of my child. My wife is using my son to gain an advantage in the disposition of marital property. She offered to 'let' me see my son, in exchange for the entire marital property.
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) occurs when the custodial parent (mother) wishes to hurt the non-custodial parent who truly loves the child. She hates the ex-husband because his presence is felt through his children. She will constantly push his buttons and demean him in front of his children. She will humiliate him and embarass him. She will portray him as just a 'sperm donor' until his identity is no longer noticeable. She will not stop. Her task is complete only when the children no longer identify with the father.
Often, such abused fathers, will give in, and many a father-child relationships disappear only to be revisited many years later by the now grown up children who were PAS victims. 'Where were you dad' they will ask.
Fathers should hold their ground. Never give up looking for your child, and for this, your child will always be grateful.
This is what I tell my child, 'I will never stop looking for you.' My only concern is, will the court find my stubbornness and my unconditional love for my child, acceptable.
When Ireland kills herself when she is 18, are either of these witless idiots going to care who did what when? The child should be removed from both thier custody and given to a nice family who will raise her privately.
It is my opinion that the problem lies in the black/white nature of most people's views on this subject. Moms good/Dads bad. Mom caregiver/Dad breadwinner. To lump all men and all women into these two categories with no shades of gray is what will hold any sort of progress in the family law system from moving forward. If society truly wants to move toward having Fathers take an equal role in the caregiving aspect of their children's lives than the court system should reflect and encourage that. What the system does now is view most men as near criminal the minute the divorce is final by ordering set times and days the Father can see his children and also an indisputable set percentage of his salary. A typical schedule is Fri-Sun every two weeks with one after school visit during the interim weeks and the set child support is 25% of the man's salary per child (with adjustments made for the actual number of children obviously.) In some states now if a man is unable to pay this amount for whatever reason (including unemployment which can happen to any one at any time right?) the Father may lose time with his child and could be held in contempt NO QUESTIONS ASKED, even if the Father tries to make arrangements with the child's mother (such as a temporary reduction in support.) Technically this means a Father could be faced with the choice of continuing to pay full support to the Mother (who could be married to a billionaire and driving around in gold plated Mercedes) and losing his house or home OR choose to have a place to live not only for himself and his current wife and children (if applicable) but also the child he's paying support for. That child needs a home to see his/her Father at and a place to stay during the Father's parenting time right? And what about the Father's current children? Isn't the message the court sends to them: 'You're not as important as your stepbrother/sister. THEY get your Dad's money even if it means you live on the street.' Best interests of the child? Not always.
I sympathize with Alec Baldwin. He snapped. People snap. I dont know the full story but those of you with children reading this, take a moment and think back through all the comments youve made to your children. I can think of one of two I'd pay anything to take back. What about you?
Divorce courts are a cesspools of thieves where parasites feed off the clients churning cases sucking up you wealth fraudulenting arguing that need not be argued since almost everything argued is settled law.
Judges are as fraudulent as ALL the lawyers.
Battling Parental Alienation in this country is a private battle for a lot of Fathers. You are so quick to judge we who live in glass houses should not throw stones. Mothers in this country are just as guilty of leaving and abandoning children as Fathers. Maybe those who seem so passionate about this cause should look up Parental Alienation Syndrome on the net and do alittle research. And then make your judgements on what you feel is right or wrong...
Who cares about what Baldwin thinks about anything? Being a jerk makes one an expert on life--give me a break! Celebrities have an overblown opinion of their own importance. Just listening to his rant to his daughter, one can see he is an ordinary deviate with no special attributes. Humility is what he needs. Hopefully a family court would be able to help install some.
Is the same Alec Baldwin that said in the year 2000...'If Geroge Bush wins, I am going to move out of the country' ?
dak
Reading this made me think that this could be the worst book idea since OJ's 'IF I Did It' fiasco. As a divorced father of three I would hate to even think that this idiot has the ability to get a book published. Who's next and who is the idiot of a publisher?
Any man (I don't think he qualifies as a father) who would scream at his elevn year old daughter like this should have all of his rights to see the kid taken away until such time as the daughter chooses to see him!
Reading this made me think that this could be the worst book idea since OJ's 'IF I Did It' fiasco. As a divorced father of three I would hate to even think that this idiot has the ability to get a book published. Who's next and who is the idiot of a publisher?
Any man (I don't think he qualifies as a father) who would scream at his elevn year old daughter like this should have all of his rights to see the kid taken away until such time as the daughter chooses to see him!
I d'ont think he's the only parent to say bad think to his child. In some time of our life like parents, maybe we did the same, not with such of bad words, but we are all differents. Maybe he can understand now how bad can be for a child to be treated like a pig, I hope he did.
Enough is enough. Women in the USA has been so loose and wonton spreading sin and destruction to US families structure which is killing the country.
Why is the divorce rate so high even though it is a sin? Girls said ':I made a mistake!, Don't you have a brain before you date and to in bed with a guy? Just looking at the face?? How about see to it that the guy goes to church, God fearing man, responsible man, and forget sex for ground of marriage?
Wake up America, Go for it Alec, almost all men have become a victim and coward.
My heart goes out to Mr. Baldwin. I am not a major fan of hollywood or movie stars, but I certainly feel for his situation. Yeah, maybe it was wrong what he said to his daughter, but my personal opinion is a child should honor the father and mother. Many children in USA are disrespectful, talk back and make the parents go crazy. I bet many of the hypocrites on here who said Alec should never be able to see his child again for calling her a thoughtless pig, probably have screamed and shouted obscenities at their children as well, but won't admit it. They are angry at Alec for standing up for his rights. Men are abused badly in America by their women. We draw a conclusion of all mankind, by the misdeeds of a few very bad men in this country. It is true there is deadbeat dads who run away from their children. Of course, nobody thinks of all the deadbeat wives who divorce a man to get his alimony payments. Many forget about the number of women who go to abortion clinics after they find out they are pregnant and kill their baby without even informing the man.
The man is angry for how he is being alienated by his selfish wife and the court. He feels emotionally unstable, cause he feels his daughter is giving into his mother and the courts. They all are telling each other he is the bad guy and he feels like scapegoat. The man loves his daughter, he certianly did not handle things correctly, and being a movie star adds to the pressure. Personally, I think all those who are gloating over Baldwin's leaked discussion ought to lose the rights to see their children. I pray to God Alec gets custody of his daughter.. I bet if Kim Basinger called her daughter a selfish pig, nobody would give a damn at all... But Mr. Baldwin is under a microscope, and if he even raises his voice to loud, he will be labeled as emotionally unstable and child abuser, who should never be allowed to see any child again.
Shame on all you sexists and arrogant people.
This is a great subject! I still remember my 12 years of marriage and my three children born from it. I am retired now, but for 30 years I was a law enforcement officer. I was often on the road and detailed to another countries and/or states. I never suspected that I married a 'wife cheater' - until I was served with a divorce complaint. My former wife and mother of my three kids fell in love with her last lover. While I was on a 1 week business trip, she cleaned our bank account and put all of our life savings under her own name in a different account, I was kicked out of our new big home and as I was leaving, the 'boyfriend' was moving in. We settled our of court because in Arizona like most other states 'ADULTERY' means nothing on non-fault divorces. My ex-wife kept almost 1/2 of my federal pension and started receiving child support almost 10 years ago. She kept 50% of our life savings and I ended up paying her own divorce lawyer! When I was kicked out of MY HOUSE (my ex-wife never wanted to work while we were married), I moved into a one bedroom small studio, heart and financially broken.
Why every time this idiot opens his mouth do we have to hear it or see him in the news. Could care less what he does or says. Wish I could filter him out of my web pages.
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