Helen Mirren's stand-up set at Globes

By Stone Martindale Jan 17, 2007, 1:44 GMT

Regal Helen Mirren, who practically charmed the pants off Morley Safer on television show 60 Minutes recently, knows how to work her sexy mojo. 

Last night the "Queen" got blue in her material, with bawdy repartee with Globe awards in hand for "The Queen" and "Elizabeth I." 

The Hollywood Reporter reports that backstage she was working blue, cracking jokes about what it means to be an Essex girl

"You know when an Essex girl has an orgasm, she drops her fries".  Her Lenny Bruce schtick continued about her prospects for an Oscar. "I've never had an 'O.' They said the earth moves," she said. "I can't wait. I'll definitely drop my fries for that."

Monsters has compiled some other helpful Essex girl jokes for Mirren's upcoming Academy Award Speech courtesy of www.jardmail.co.uk:

   1. Q: What's an Essex girls favorite wine?
      A: aw go-on take me to lakeside please please go-on take me
   2. Q: What's an Essex Girls form of protection?
      A: Bus Shelters
   3. Q: What's the difference between an Essex Girl and a Bag of Crisps?
      A: You only get one bang out of a bag of crisps
   4. Q: How may Essex girls does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?.
      A: Five. One to make the mixture and Four to peel the Smarties.
   5. Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine?
      A: A washing machine doesn't follow you around for weeks after you've dumped your load in it.
   6. Q: What does an Essex girl say after sex?
      A: "Do you really all play for the same football team?"
   7. Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and an ironing board?
      A: An ironing boards legs are difficult to part.
   8. Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and an Essex boy?
      A: An Essex girl has a higher sperm count.
   9. Q: What does an Essex girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
      A: Her feet.
  10. Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and a plate of spaghetti?
      A: Spaghetti moves when you eat it.
  11. Q: What does an Essex girl do with her asshole after sex?
      A: She takes him down the pub.
  12. Q: What makes an Essex girls eyes light up?
      A: A torch shone in her ear.
  13. Q: How do you know when an Essex girl's had an orgasm?
      A: She drops her bag of chips.
  14. Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and the Titanic?
      A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
  15. Q: What is the difference between a supermarket trolley and an Essex girl?
      A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of it's own.
  16. An Essex girl is driving along and asks her boyfriend to kiss her somewhere warm, wet and smelly.
      He tells her that it's to late to drive to Canvey Island.
  17. Q: What do an Essex girl and President Gorbachev have in common?
      A: They both get f***ed by eight men on holiday.
  18. Q: Why do Essex Girls wear knickers?
      A: To keep their ankles warm
  19. Q: How does an Essex girl get light?
      A: Open a car door.
  20. Q: How does an Essex girl turn the light off after sex?
      A: She closes the car door