Snores-ville News: You're not invited to Nicole Kidman's wedding, mate

By April MacIntyre Jun 11, 2006, 15:53 GMT

Happy snapping! EPA/ABIR ABDULLAH

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are getting married.

What?  You know this already?  Well, smarty pants- you won't be able to crash it either.  Unconfirmed but seemingly believable reports say the couple has constructed a state-of-the art moat with great white shahhhks around their wedding tent - just waiting for your shutterbug a**.  With a side of salt-water crocodiles (they're meaner) imported from Cape York to patrol the perimeter - for show.

Kidman just wrapped the Noah Baumbach film shot on Long Island, New York, working title being "Nicole in the Country", or the "Untitled Noah Baumbach Project", depending on whose people you speak with.  The separated-at-birth from Marcia Cross actress is set to marry country stahh Keith Urban in Sydney, Australia on June 25, but elaborate measures are being taken to keep the tenacious press on their toes.

Forget the post-no paper invitations will be mailed to guests, in case one of them winds up on eBay, like Britney Spears classy mystery guest recently did.  Guest will receive e-mails (because they're super private, un-forwardable and they destruct in sixty seconds) and then receive follow-up phone calls from Kidman and/or Urban, according to the Daily Telegraph of Australia. Like an episode of Mission Impossible, guests are being instructed to be ready to be picked up by a limo.

Kidman is reported by several media sources to have spent $300,000 reserving all the helicopters in the Sydney area, making those aerial paparazzi shots nearly impossible. And, the coup-de-grace?  Nighttime wedding. You can almost hear cartoon malcontent character Nelson Muntz from The Simpson's going "HA HA!"