People Features

Mary Forsberg Weiland interview: Fall to Pieces

By April MacIntyre Dec 20, 2009, 4:14 GMT

In her book, Fall to Pieces: A Memoir of Drugs, Rock \'N\' Roll & Mental Illness, Mary journals her impoverished life in San Diego; she is blessed with the currency of beauty to escape financial hardships she knew as a child, and her early life was colored by black depression, manic acting out and an inability to buckle down.

Mary Forsberg Weiland has a perspective on life that was born from doing without, making do, cultivating patience and burning through good fortune and fate.

There’s a happy ending, but getting to it is a wild ride.

It was a memoir of someone I was somewhat unfamiliar with, except for random tabloid headlines.  

In March 2007, twenty-four hours after Mary Forsberg Weiland dragged her husband Scott's $80,000 wardrobe onto their driveway and flamed it, she was committed to a mental hospital.

Her husband was wrestling with his own addiction battles, and the tabloids were making hay with the latest rockn’rolla trainwreck.

In her book, Fall to Pieces: A Memoir of Drugs, Rock 'N' Roll & Mental Illness, Mary journals her impoverished life in San Diego; she is blessed with the currency of beauty to escape financial hardships she knew as a child, and her early life was colored by black depression, manic acting out and an inability to buckle down. 

Her undiagnosed bipolar disorder puts Mary and her mother through great strife, until her fortune changes thanks to a career in modeling that shot in an upward trajectory very quickly. 

At age 15, she was selected out of approximately 40,000 young girls across America to appear in a special issue of Seventeen magazine.

Mary pens her improbable and engrossing tale with kindness, a touch of sardonic humor and a childlike honesty.

Her happenstance meeting with struggling musician and future leadman for the Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver - Scott Weiland – changes up everything.

She loved him almost from the beginning, and to hear how they came to be as a couple is a wonderful yarn all in itself.  Mary tells of her initial friendship with Weiland, who worked as a driver for her when she was a 16-year-old model. His career took off, and hers soon followed. Their relationship moved from being friends, to being in love, marrying and then having children.

Mary’s early worldview, of having your nose pressed against the glass observing peers enjoy an abundant, unfettered life, is one many can relate to.  Mary watched her parents struggle with money and their subsequent divorce over financial stresses.

She shares her downward spiral into alcoholism and more, all born from medicating a then undiagnosed mental illness.  Weiland writes of her drinking at the age of 13 -  and by the time she was in her late teens her partying escalated into blackout binges. 

Crashing bouts of depression were soon medicated with heroin and cocaine.
Both Scott and Mary were in and out of rehab, and she shares that it took a "really long time" for them to get better. They are no longer married but have a positive and loving friendship today.

The prose is straightforward and unvarnished, and she tells her stories with a flair for creating a vivid visual, much like a good screenplay writer. 

“Fall to Pieces” was one of the most enjoyable reads of 2009 for me.

Mary Forsberg Weiland spoke with Monsters and Critics’ editor April MacIntyre for some insight on her memoir, “Fall to Pieces.”
 
If you were to offer advice to any of the young stars out there that seem to be burning at both ends, what would it be?
 
Mary Forsberg Weiland: I believe there are three things that make it difficult for someone in a high profile position to heal. First, any person who financially gains from their ability to work constantly is not a friend or mentor and in most cases makes the situation worse.

Second, shame plays a big role in addiction or mental illness. These people are suffering under a magnifying glass and the public/media are generally not supportive. I had to go with the “Fuck what people say" motto, to get better.

Last, working non-stop will only burn you out faster. You need to take time off to focus.

Recovery is not an easy road. It requires great concentration and commitment, and real friendships if you can find them.
 
The Bipolar disorder is usually inherited, just as certain propensities for alcoholism, addiction and learning disabilities.  As a parent, what do you watch for in your own children?
 
Mary Forsberg Weiland: I don’t feel comfortable sharing what I believe mothers should be looking for because I’m not a doctor. 

I have a heightened sensitivity with my own kids because both of their parents have been diagnosed and this increases their chances.

Whenever I have a concern, I take them to the doctor because I’d rather err on the safe side. I’ve been blessed with two healthy children and should they ever travel the same road as their parents, we will be able to recognize it quickly and guide them towards health. 

 
Who gave you the strongest sense of self worth, was it your mother, your modeling coach, or someone else in your life?
 
Mary Forsberg Weiland:  My mother, hands down. Without her I would lack the ability to be humble and grateful.

She packed my emotional toolbox with the skills I’d need to make it in this town. She had no idea that I was pre-disposed to mental illness and addiction, but I could balance a check book even while I was paralyzed under a black cloud of depression.
 
All addictions are bad, as are all drugs, but some say certain drugs (like Meth) are worse than others, which drug do you find most insidious?
 
Mary Forsberg Weiland: The combination of heroin and cocaine was the bullet train to the bottom for me. I’m sure either one on their own would have done the same thing eventually, but together...
 
Do you miss being married to your first love, Scott, or have you eeked out a new plane for the two of you to exist on?
 
Mary Forsberg Weiland:  I never think of Scott as someone who was bad for me. He played an important part in helping me grow during adolescence and as an adult. This may be hard for someone on the outside to understand because we fell into drugs.

But I never regret our relationship because of the kids. I do miss him as a husband, but the relationship we have as friends and co-parents is amazing.  
 
Would you ever become involved with a man who has addiction issues now, even if he has gone through rehab and appears to be sober today?
 
Mary Forsberg Weiland: Never with anyone who is newly sober. He would need to have a long stretch of sobriety for me to even consider a relationship. 

Honestly though I think I’m better off with someone who just doesn’t use drugs, or drink much. 
 
If you could do one thing over, once chance, what would you tell a younger version of yourself to do?
 
Mary Forsberg Weiland:  The horrible choices I’ve made have led me to where I am today so I don’t know that changing anything would be a good idea.

I do go back and forth wishing that I’d accepted my bipolar diagnosis when I was in my early twenties. I may have missed out on my marriage and children though and those two things were why I kept looking for answers. 
 
Talk about some of the kindness from unexpected places and people you experienced in your life, and how you approach your own life now, how do you pay it back?
 
Mary Forsberg Weiland:  The help and encouragement I’ve received from people in recovery is priceless. Doctors and therapists have also had a huge role in my healing. These people are the reason I’m in school studying to be a certified drug and alcohol counselor. Hopefully, my experiences will encourage others to push forward with their own recovery.  
 
Biggest sadness of your life was...
 
Mary Forsberg Weiland:   The look on my parents faces when I had to stand before them as a drug addict. I knew I’d let them down and that they would question their parenting. 
 
Biggest joy of your life was....
 
Mary Forsberg Weiland:  The days my children were born. Nothing beats looking at their tiny faces and knowing I would have someone to love and care for the rest of my life.

They bring me joy everyday. Without them I don’t know that I would have survived.   With them, I have everything.