In macho Serbia, it's OK to slap the wife (Feature)

Europe News

By Ksenija Prodanovic Aug 2, 2008, 2:06 GMT

Belgrade - A bridegroom on a popular Serbian television show brags how he slaps his bride now and then. The bride's mother approves the 'educational measure' as something her daughter 'deserves.' The bashful bride acknowledges, while looking adoringly at her husband-to-be, that she can be lazy and disobedient and should be hit in the face from time to time. The scene from 48-Hour Wedding, a reality TV show that sets up Serb couples for real nuptials, points to a less romantic issue in the macho Balkan society: spousal abuse. Domestic violence is the most common kind of abuse in Serbia and every third women has been a victim, surveys of non-governmental groups say. Laws have been tightened, but lenient punishment and a patriarchal society remain hurdles. 'A slap in Serbia still isn't regarded as beating. To slap a woman in the face if her husband is annoyed is considered OK,' Vesna Stanojevic of the Consultancy Against Domestic Violence told local media. Many men in Serbia, unsettled by the nation's defeats in the 1990s Balkan wars and crumbling moral values, believe women should stay at home and take care of their men and children. 'Of course, beating is out of the question, but a slap now and then - why not? She needs to know her place,' said taxi driver Pera, who declined to give his last name. Most victims are believed to be among Serbia's Roma population and Serb refugees who fled to the homeland during the recent wars. But the abusers can be found in all walks of life. One woman spoke out to Deutsche Presse-Agentur dpa about her dentist husband, refusing to give her name out of fear of another beating. 'Where can I go? Whom can I turn to? Nobody will believe me. He's a well-respected dentist and I'm his sweet, good-looking wife,' she said. 'So I stay with him. Thank God I can't have children, so he can't hurt them,' she said. 'But he hits me because I can't give him sons.' Advocacy groups believe women report attacks by the men in their lives in only one of 20 cases. There are no official data. Vanja Macanovic of Belgrade's Autonomous Women's Centre blames lack of cooperation among state institutions, slow courts and women's fear of their attackers. In 78 per cent of domestic violence cases, a husband, ex-husband or partner is the source, the consultancy says. And domestic violence was behind about 30 per cent of murders committed in Serbia in 2007, data show. The Belgrade Center for Human Rights says Serb judges are often judgemental toward the victims and unlikely to remove culprits from the home or issue restraining orders. Usually, offenders get one year's probation or a fine. Women who go to court are liable to be faced with months of proceedings, with humiliating testimony to police and in front of a court and perpetrators who accuse them of 'asking for it.' Getting away from violent male spouses is also difficult. Serbia has only three safe houses for abused women, though more are due to be built. In a country where democracy, rule of law and membership in the European Union are goals for more than 70 percent of population, wife beaters are still considered macho men. 'I tried leaving home and finding a job, but he'd always find me,' the dentist's wife said. 'I tried fighting back but the last time I did that, he broke my jaw and left hand.' 'Now I try to stay away and hope that he'll kill me the next time he hits me,' she said.

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Do you meanAug 2nd, 2008 - 02:33:38

that we can't do that here? What about my right to pursue happyness? If the bag mouths off, I am more than happy to put one upside her head.

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MollyAug 2nd, 2008 - 06:34:59

I live in Croatia part of the year and part of the year in the United States. And in my lifetime, slapping is not a freebie in either country. Serbia definitely was defeated after the war in 1990, and frustrations are high. But taking it all out on women is not allowed and thank goodness someone is writing about it. I think we all hope that the government will provide more services to help women leave abusive relationships, regarless of where they live.

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One Male's PerspectiveAug 2nd, 2008 - 08:15:44

'To slap a woman in the face if her husband is annoyed is considered OK...'

How hard can one slap a women, how many times per day, and can this be done in public as well as in the privacy of one's home?

I feel sorry for these women. If a man feels he is disrespected by his wife he can either talk about it with her, or leave her.

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MaxAug 2nd, 2008 - 10:14:18

Molly, i think your in need of a good hard slapping, you silly bitch

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EllenJan 6th, 2009 - 18:12:11

And what, you're her husband from Serbia to tell her that, Max?

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