Movie Review: Constantine

Movies Reviews

By Ronald Rovers Feb 19, 2005, 11:47 GMT

At the end of the movie – I’m not spoiling anything – for the benefit of several viewers who didn’t get the message he even drenches a cigarette in his own blood. Oh, that’s what you’re saying! I see. Well, I think I’ll quit right now. The two hundred foot neon lettered ‘no smoking sign’ was a bit much for me.But anyway, let’s look at the story. John Constantine was born with an annoying gift: he could see half-breed angels and demons as they sat on the bus or bought stuff at the seven eleven. Seeing all these evil mutants didn’t exactly make his life happier so he decided to end it. But he failed. Because taking your own life is a mortal sin the guardians of the afterlife gave him a choice: either get tortured in hell for all eternity or walk the earth kicking demons asses and make them return to their natural habitat. Mr. Constantine took the job. When police detective Angela Dodson (Rachel Weisz) asks his help for solving the strange death of her twin sister they stumble across a sinister plan cooked up in hell which involves – I guess – the thousand year reign of Satan’s little helpers. It involves some people hopping over from the other side generally making a mess of things here in suburbia and disturbing the universal balance of good and evil.

Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em

The look is a matter of taste. Personally I prefer human monsters instead of computer generated ones because the cgi horror is hardly as intimidating. The movie’s light horror is in the surprises, not in the imagery. But to be fair the idea that heaven and hell lay just beneath the surface of reality is nicely designed. Constantine teleports himself into hell somewhere and we get a kind of post apocalyptic Terminator II view of Los Angeles with everything scorched and fire and demons everywhere. I did have a problem with the huge number of burned out cars lying around but I guess cars can be evil too.The imagery should definitely have been scaled down. The Van Helsing style graphic exaggerations distract from the film noir atmosphere created by the lighting and the washed out set pieces. There’s one scene where the main characters stand in the street and all the lights fade. When Reeves lights a torch we see a small army of demons where one would have been much scarier. ‘Less is more’ should have been the motto.

The Van Helsing style graphic exaggerations distract from the film noir atmosphere created by the lighting and the washed out set pieces

I couldn’t get over the horrible cliché lines that came out of John Constantine’s mouth. But Reeves couldn’t help it. And neither could Lawrence. John Constantine actually does the cowboyspeak all the time in the original Hellblazer comic book series from which the character was adopted. He says nasty things like ‘Constantine, John Constantine, asshole’, when introducing himself or utters mind blowing insights like ‘God is just a kid with an ant farm’. The heretic Reeves is not even from Liverpool as fans of the Hellblazer comic complained after word got out that he would do the lead role. But I think the fact that he’s not from Liverpool is not the big problem here. Reeves acting is. Reeve’s a-list status as an actor has become a small enigma in recent years so I’m not stating anything new here. But watching the actor perform got me thinking that the man is parodying himself. With his long swinging coat he walks in real time as if in slow motion and as if something really obtrusive got stuck between his legs. Movies like Constantine but also The Matrix get much more fire power from a lead man who doesn’t look like he’s reciting Wittgenstein in his head all the time.All in all if you’re a fan of God vs. Satan stories you should go see this movie. I liked Peter Stormare’s impersonation of Satan. I guess all the Hellblazer fans will go anyway though they’re bound to be disappointed. But if you’re looking for quality drama just stay at home.Note
After about five minutes of credits at the end comes the well, sort of, climax thingy. Well actually it’s as much climax as getting on the bus so why on earth the director decided to put that scene there is beyond my capacity for rational thought."Constantine" is on general release across the US, further details and media in our database.

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APFeb 19th, 2005 - 07:52:36

I wanna see this.

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ChewbaccaFeb 22nd, 2005 - 06:04:15

Wow you wrote such a good review! NOT!
Im only the 2nd person to reply to it, which obviously shows that no-one likes it. How about next time you see the same movie as the one you are reviewing. Using a picture of the movie doesnt prove u saw it! Oh and next time, try not to be such a whinger. Oh wa wa wa he smokes alot, time to grow up!

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MeFeb 22nd, 2005 - 08:51:36

....Constantine...was...the Poo..Doo...And you disagree? Did you even see it? Was that all you saw was the smoking....Get you head out of you bum bum....You suck so much that I can't even..grasp...go away...you take a movie and you see how you can poke fun at it...God...

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whodatMar 13th, 2005 - 10:39:56

I disagree with this review. I think the film was true to the comic book and well supported by a great cast. It's a terrific exscape film that should be seen in the theater.

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Ronald RoversMar 26th, 2005 - 02:08:58

I understand people disagree. But please back up your statements. I can't respond to 'the movie IS good' without you telling me why.

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nerdettSep 9th, 2005 - 18:30:32

this movies was awsome and the guy that reviewed it well damn!! you need to get laid you are a very unhappy pathetic man. the man smoked, smokers smoke to calm down there are lots of not so good things that make you relax and after going threw to save the day i think i might have picked up some bad habits to, to excape the day. but its not even about that its a little child that had to deal with this 'gift' and everyone thought he was crazy he killed himself and was shown somthing worse than life and wanted to fix it so he wouldnt have to go back. hes bitter because no one understands him or takes the time to!

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nerdettSep 9th, 2005 - 18:45:56

the guardians didnt give him a choice it was shown to him what resposibilities he had to use his gifts. he didnt just send demons back to thier 'habitat' (that sounds stupid) it was more that they were doing things that were not allowed to do they can persuade people to do thier bidding but nothing more, there are rules to the game that they didnt abide to and hes their law! dont listen to that idiot!!

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