Oh, dear, I so wanted Ocean’s Thirteen to be great and have 13 erase the bad luck of 3. However, it is not that kind of movie and that’s not our luck this summer. As three-quels go, it’s standard - heartbreaking and deflating.
First Spiderman 3, then Pirates of the Caribbean 3, now Ocean’s 3. There is no doubt now - 3 of anything is less than 2. Or the original 1.
I sound like Jim Carrey here, but the sad truth is that I desperately craved the kind of relaxed sophistication of Ocean’s Eleven, those beautiful men especially, to while away a sultry summer night. And for it to be less convoluted than twelve.
But it isn’t going to happen that way. Thirteen is more convoluted and half as exciting as twelve, half as alluring and well, the boys are onscreen about a third of their regular face time.
One disappointment after another! But not in the heart of the film.
This time, it’s about helping your fellow man.
The evil Mr. Bank (Al Pacino) has screwed Rueben (Elliott Gould) out of a real estate deal. It hits him so hard he suffers a debilitating stroke and goes into a coma. The boys are by his side, wondering how they can inspire his will to live.
So they decide to pay a visit to Mr. Bank. He will not be moved.
Thus is launched not a cold, but a cool war, in which soldiers wear designer suits and look hot. The boys have to get their hands on the machines that dug both sides of the Chunnel – wow – and move the earth in order to meet their revenge targets.
Ellen Barkin is Abigail, the sole woman in the Ocean world, following in the noble footsteps of Catherine Zeta Jones and Julia Roberts who played against them all alone before her.
Interesting factlet – L’Wren Scott, Mick Jagger’s long time and long limbed lover, designed Barkin’s sprayed on dresses both for the film and the publicity tour.
Brad Pitt’s character Rusty calls Abigail a ‘cougar’, a term coined by Toronto columnist Valerie Gibson to denote an older woman given to casual love connections with young men. Turns out no one told Barkin what the term means. It’s not like she is under the misapprehension of thinking she is 28.
Abigail’s prey is Lenny Pepperidge, who is Linus (Matt Damon) in disguise sporting a Brody, that is, a huge prosthetic nose fashioned after Adrien Brody’s.
So where is George Clooney? He’s not in it that much. But, may I say when he is, well, all bets are off. He is about as smooth a customer as you can get today. Let’s hope his isn’t a dying breed and that he will inspire others to sexy sophistication, perfect grooming, perfect manners and a good heart.
Las Vegas has never looked more appealing and shiny bright and provided a terrific fantasy background. Its casinos don’t look like places where lonely addicted folk go to wash away their reality, but more like sashaying down Fifth Avenue if it was roofed over.
Ocean’s Thirteen
In theaters Friday June 8. MPAA: Rated PG 13 for brief sensuality
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