Movies Features

Unseen Movie Review: Films of 2012 Preview

By Adam D. Jan 9, 2012, 16:21 GMT

The fourth installment of the popular "Underworld" series about vampires and werewolves.After being held in a coma-like state for fifteen years, vampire Selene (Kate Beckinsale) learns that she has a fourteen-year-old vampire/Lycan hybrid daughter, Nissa, and when she finds her they must stop BioCom from creating super Lycans that will kill them all. ...more

Every December the studios release a few blockbusters and their Oscar bait and then wait for the big day when people get too dressed up and spend the rest of the night holding on to a small naked gold man.

But January has become something of a dumping ground for movies, since everyone is back to school and back to work, the desire to see movies isn't as great. Which means it's a perfect time to take a look at some of the movies coming out in 2012.

Underworld Awakening (January 20)

Yes, it's the fourth movie in what should have been a two movie trilogy (I failed math). But the only thing that gets me more excited than the following headline "Kardashian sister in horrible fashion accident!" are werewolves.

And the only thing more exciting than werewolves is werewolves and vampires. Hey, everyone has their one guilty pleasure, mine happens to be the Underworld movies (and looking back at issues of Playboy magazine from the 60's for the articles).

One For the Money (January 27)

The only thing I hate more than watching Katherine Heigl in movies is when she gives interviews. Can her hair be blowing anymore in a static photo than it does in this poster?

Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace in 3D (February 10)

Of course I'll see it, it has the words "Star" and "Wars" in the title. But Lucas should have started his 3D money -a- thon by releasing episode 4 first. Watching the new trilogy first will actually turn off some fans by the time episode 4 makes its way to theaters in 3D.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (February 17)

Did we really need a sequel to Ghost Rider? Next time can we get a poll or chat room going online before someone greenlights another of these? If this is a sequel, does that mean that Nic Cage will overact twice as much as he usually does?

John Carter (March 9)

I'm kind of up in the air on this one. On one hand I love that Pixar directors are handling live action. No one tells better stories than Pixar. On the other hand the trailer looks kind of clichéd and the aliens are not terribly impressive.

The Avengers (May 4)

Joss Whedon and a bevy of superheroes? I'm signing up for this one faster than John Travolta and Kelly Preston's class on how to have a successful marriage (step one, Scientology). My only concern is will Joss be able to balance all those heroes in one film? Remember how bad Batman and Robin was with all those characters running around? And bat nipples?

Battleship (May 18)

I've seen two trailers for this movie and I still do not know what is going on here. Also, I don't want to know.

Men in Black 3 (May 25)

The first film was great and still holds up. The second did not compare. And I'm guessing that with all the script problems they've been having on this one they should have never given it a green light. I guess that's kind of hard when Will Smith wants to do something.

Prometheus (June 8)

Ridley Scott and Sci-fi? I'm there opening weekend.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation (June 29)

The only reason to see this is to try and figure out how much they had to pay Bruce Willis to do his scenes.

The Dark Knight Rises (July 20)

Uhhhhhh.... that's me drooling. The countdown is on for this movie. I will see anything Chris Nolan does. When he does Batman I will knock over old ladies to see it opening night.

Total Recall (August 3)

Is this movie this year's Conan? Another remake we don't need releasing in August? Just saying.

Skyfall (November 9)

To be honest, I'm a little concerned at Sam Mendes directing. I thought Marc Forster could not touch Martin Campbell. But I love watching Danny Craig do Bond. It's such a real character and he plays him so well.

In fact, now I find it hard to watch those Bond marathons with Roger Moore they run on TV during Christmas and New Year's for people who have no friends or family and spend 12 hours a day watching old movies.

World War Z (December 21)

This film brings us full circle. The only thing I love more than werewolves and vampires? Zombies. The only thing better than zombies? Zombies and Brad Pitt, he's so easy on the eyes, and the thighs, and the toes and just about every body part.