Movies Features

Unseen Movie Review: Real Steel

By Adam D. Oct 7, 2011, 13:54 GMT

A gritty, white-knuckle, action ride set in the near-future, where the sport of boxing has gone hi-tech, "Real Steel" stars Hugh Jackman as Charlie Kenton, a washed-up fighter who lost his chance at a title when 2000-pound, 8-foot-tall steel robots took over the ring. Now nothing but a small-time promoter, Charlie earns just enough money piecing together low-end bots from scrap metal to get from one underground boxing venue to the ...more

So this is a movie about robots that box? Is this how it was originally pitched? Is this what the term “original concept” has been reduced to? How many questions can I string together to kick off an article?

It seems after the success of three Transformers movies all that’s needed to sell a movie these days is to put robots in it. Pretty soon it will lead to Oscar winners. I’m still waiting for No Country For Old Robots and Schindler’s Robots.

Hollywood studios believe that that there is a simple equation, CG robots leads to big box office. When I heard about the plot for Real Steel I thought it was a bad SNL sketch, and then I remembered most SNL sketches were bad.

Real Steel isn’t based on an old kid’s toy, it isn’t based on a classic novel, and it doesn’t seem to be based on any sane logic. Boxing is a true sport and is seen as such because it requires two men to be at their physical peak and have the stamina to last to the end. Having robots do it seems like an insult to true boxers.

Just so you don’t think Real Steel was greenlit only because it has robot pugilists, there’s a redemption story about a father and son relationship. Isn’t that nice? Robots bring them back together. I heard the same was true of Kat Von D and Jesse James reuniting. Then he cheated on her again and she got another tattoo to remember not to date him again.

The film stars Hugh Jackman who launched his career on a fantastic portrayal of the comic book character Wolverine back in 2000. He was so good at it and it was such a popular character that Wolverine was the first to get his own spin off from the X-Men franchise.

Wolverine was such a silly movie, especially the part where he loses his memory. Some people in the theater were grumbling that they wish they had lost theirs after sitting through the whole film. Aside from the X-Men series, Hugh has been unable to really make a great crowd pleasing action film.

Van Helsing was sloppier than Khloe and Lamar trying to make a baby and Swordfish is best remembered for Halle Berry going topless. But Hugh still has a great career because he comes across as so likable both on and off screen.

In a recent poll done in my living room, Hugh Jackman was voted the top Hollywood actor that men wanted to fish with while eating fried chicken legs and discussing who would be better in bed 40 years ago, Betty White or Bea Arthur. (Yes, Betty White won.)

Real Steel is directed by Shawn Levy who has made quite a name for himself as a guy who can deliver hit movies. But all of them have been comedies. Yes, even if you didn’t laugh at Just Married it still counts as intended comedy. If it had moved you to tears of pain then we could change the classification.

Now Shawn is hoping to bring people to the theater to see robots in action. Hopefully, he’s been watching a lot of Mike Bay’s moves.

The biggest selling point in a movie with such a ludicrous premise is that it is produced by Steven Spielberg and Robert Zemeckis. Having these two huge names on board would get me to the theater even if it was a documentary on the mating habits of the extinct dodo bird.

-That’s not how you do it! You don’t stick that there!
-Well how do you do it? We better figure it out quick or we’ll be extinct!

Maybe the action will be so great I will be able to look past the dopey premise, and maybe Zemeckis and Spielberg gave enough good advice that Real Steel actually will turn out to be an edge of your seat action film. But why do they have to box? I just don’t get it.

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