The Unseen Movie Review Jonah Hex

By Robert Dixter Jun 20, 2010, 15:25 GMT

Adaptation of the comic book series of the same name. The character of Hex was a wild gunslinger and bounty hunter known for having the right side of his face disfigured and wearing a Confederate army uniform. His facial injury was caused when an Apache chief used a burning tomahawk to give \'Hex\' \'The Mark of the Demon.\' The movie is said to have a supernatural element. ...more

If you’ve ever read this column before you know that there are two things I believe in.

1) Cupcakes need frosting otherwise they’re called muffins.

2) When making a comic book movie, don’t treat it like a kid’s film. Hire the best actors and directors possible to make it as believable as possible.

Some of you might disagree, especially on the cupcake point but hasn’t this nation already seen enough fighting? This week Jonah Hex will opening in multiplexes across the country. The film is based on the comic of the same name and it stars Josh Brolin, John Malkovich and Megan Fox. Josh and John are two of the best actors working today. As good as Josh was in No Country For Old Men, he was even better in a smaller role in American Gangster. He just understands how to act for film. He’s not showing off for the seats in back (Hello, Al Pacino in every movie since Scent of a Woman). Malkovich is, well, he’s John Malkovich. This guy proved his cred by acting in a film with his name in the title and not holding back in a single scene.

Then there’s Megan Fox. She might be the hottest woman on the planet, second only to Betty White (being able to make a guy laugh gets you a lot of points in the hotness department). Megan also likes to give her opinion on everything and of course what this world needs is another opinion from a rich twenty four year old girl who clearly has it all figured out.

So with two top actors and a woman so hot she can melt butter just by walking past it you might think that’s all we need. Enter director Jimmy Hayward. Here’s how I see the interview with Warner Bros and Jimmy playing out.

WB: Thanks for coming in. We are considering you for Jonah Hex. What was the last movie you directed?
Jimmy: I did Horton Hears a Who.
WB: Was that a comic book film with big explosions and cool effects?
Jimmy: It was animated. Are there any big elephants in Jonah Hex?

I understand hiring an indie guy to direct a big budget comic book film, but why hire a guy who has only directed an animated movie? Jimmy’s background makes him about as right a choice as hiring Ray J who shot the Kim Kardashian sex tape to direct Jonah Hex.

Jonah Hex needs a steady director with an accomplished resume because the character isn’t that well known. If they made a bad Spider-Man movie people would still show up to see it, and they did with Spider-Man 3. Jonah Hex needs to deliver a great product to draw people in to see it. And the buzz online is that this film is not that great, and box office expectations are very low which is too bad considering the two actors heading up this project.

The trailers make the movie look pretty good, which is the point of a good trailer. But watch the trailer a second time and you’ll notice that aside from one scene they don’t show you John Malkovich, yet he plays the main villain in the movie. Megan pops up all over the trailer. Same with the TV ads. Malkovich doesn’t even appear in those but Megan is all over it.

The film looks good but the buzz is so bad I’ll probably have to wait until it shows up on HBO to catch it. Also, I’ll probably have to take the kids to Toy Story 3 this weekend since they’ve been watching the first two nonstop night after night in the same way that my dope smoking college roommate used to screen True Romance.