The Unseen Movie Review - 2012

By Robert Dixter Nov 13, 2009, 14:14 GMT

Released this fall, Roland Emmerich\'s \'2012\' chronicles the end of human civilization as predicted by the Mayan calendar. ...more

Every few years director Roland Emmerich shows up and figures out a new way to tell us the world is going to end. This time it’s an old Mayan belief that our planet as we know it will be destroyed in 2012, which means I better pick up my dry cleaning before this cataclysmic event.  If Earth blows up in 2012 I need to consult my list of things to do before I die.  The remaining items include a wild make out session after eating a tube of Elmer’s glue and cleaning out the gunk under my sofa cushions (hey, you don’t want people coming over after you die and talking about how you didn’t keep a clean home).

Rollie (as he’s known at lunch with Schwarzenegger) has destroyed the world in both Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow (whose original title was In Two Days).  I know Hollywood likes to recycle ideas but to Rollie’s credit he always thinks up new ways and new monuments to destroy on screen.  Remember the shot of the spaceship blowing up the White House in Independence Day?  It was pretty cool back in 1996.  But now with 2012 it just seems like more of the same.

I like to create categories for films (and for women who have refused to date me).  There are big and loud blockbusters and then there are big, loud, and dumb blockbusters.  Rollie (and Michael Bay) fall into this latter category.  The thing that amazes me with films in this category is how the world is falling apart and we are supposed to focus on a few inconsequential people and follow their story (Randy Quaid in Independence Day, Jake Gyllenhaal in Tomorrow).  But it seems as long as the effects are big and loud people will forgive a lack of story.  I admit that I watch these films every now and then when I want to shut my brain off, but there needs to be some sort of believability at least within the context of the film so you can buy into the story.

2012 stars John Cusack which was the biggest surprise since I learned Miley Cyrus is sixteen and not twenty four (memo to self, cancel membership in her fan club).  He usually makes smaller and smarter films.  He was great in Grosse Point Blank and High Fidelity, two movies that relied on story and acting as opposed to big effects.  But Johnny needs to pay the bills like everyone else, which probably explains why he signed up for this (he also appeared in Con Air so it’s not really his first venture into the big, loud and dumb category).  I guess I just expected more, kind of like when I ordered steak tartare rare.

Good thing there is HBO so I don’t have to see this disaster (get the play on words?) in the theaters or let people see it in my Netflix queue.  It’s too bad Rollie doesn’t take time out and develop a really good story since he seems to have mastered the art of CG effects and spending big production dollars.