One-Two-Freddy's coming for you...Three-Four...oh, wait, wrong iconic 80s franchise. Ch ch ch ch ka ka ka ka kill kill kill kill - that's better.
It's actually a good time to be a Jason fan as an Uncut, Blu-ray version of the original 'Friday the 13th' just got a release and now we get a franchise reboot from Marcus Nispel - who had success bringing 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' back to life in '03. To celebrate all this Jason goodness, I've decided to take a look at some of Jason's best work.
While Jason never had the flash and the wicked bad pun wit of one-time peer, eventual nemesis Freddy, there's something to be said for the big lug who prefers to just get down to business.
That’s not to say Jason's above having a little fun in life. In fact, looking at some of his kills, I'd have to say Jason is one funny guy - just not funny like a clown. So without further ado, here's a list of some favorite Jason kill:
10. Jason VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan -
Certainly close to being the nadir of the franchise, the film does have its charms if you're in the mood for some craptastic plotting, sets and...Well, everything. But one kill in this pic gives me a chuckle every time and that's the Apollo Creed wannabe getting himself in a boxing match with Jason. Apparently this dude's fight or flight instinctive reasoning wires got crossed as A) Jason is huge and B) he's wearing a hockey mask as he pummels the guy I affectionately refer to as retard Apollo.
Feeling sporting, Jason lets retard Apollo break his knuckles on the mask and even get a few body shots in before Jason punches his head clean off, complete with POV shot, into a dumpster proving his athletic prowess as well as that whole psycho murdering skill set in one fell swoop.
9. Jason IV: The Final Chapter -
This one slips in based on my sheer love for all things Crispin Glover aka “bfinsane”. Watch in horror as Crispin Glover dances like a Zulu warrior that’s having a seizure attack and then dares to ask a fellow party participant why they turned the music off.
Gasp in fright as one of the worst parties of all time unfolds before your very eyes. And then appreciate, nay love, that Glover gets whets coming to him with a corkscrew and a meat clever.
For dancing like that? Justice served I say. Notable mention in part IV goes to the double-ouch! Harpoon in the groin.
8. Freddy Vs. Jason -
Before Freddy and Jason get down to some mano-a-mano, Jason gets a little free time to wreak some havoc on Elm Street which results in this fun kill of a complete douche. His name is Trey and he likes to verbally abuse women.
Jason just did what all of us where thinking which was to stab Trey repeatedly in the back (post-coital, natch) and then fold the bed upwards, all hospital flava, with Trey still in it. He should've kept up with those yoga lessons.
7. Jason X -
I can't answer those questions but what I can provide is the description of the best kill in the film where Jason wakes up from a hundreds-year long slumber peo'd that he's missed out on so much stabbin' and killin'.
Wasting no time, he plunges scientist hottie's face into a nearby vat of liquid nitrogen and then smashes said face on a table where tiny frozen pieces of nose, eyeball and lip go flying. Hope Jason had protective eyewear.
6. Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday -
No real irony here, what we got here is a back to the basics scenario. Kids, sex, tent and yet this kill is a cut above for an added bit of gruesomeness. A lady friend is enjoying herself in a tent on top of her male friend and....a barbed-wire spike halts the party as it pierces the gal's chests. But why would Jason have all that strength if he's not going to use it?
Oh, wait, he uses it. He yanks the spike upwards which effectively gives her two more limbs to spread...
5. Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives -
Ahh, is there a better place to enjoy some good lovin' than in the back of an RV? The wood paneling, furniture built for midgets, the oh-so-smooth sounds of our flawless highways. But dang it all if Jason goes and ruins all that.
A carefree teenage couple is careening down the road, with the guy belting some Alice Cooper from the driver's seat. Little did he know that Jason hates Alice Cooper which sets him off on a murderous rage.
Dragging the girl kicking and screaming into the bathroom (dumas boyfriend oblivious because of Cooper), Jason smashes her face into the mirror with such force that a scream-adorned face gets indented into the outside wall of the RV. Stabbing the guy in the head, the RV crashes and thus soothes Jason's hatred for both Alice Cooper and Wood Paneling....for now.
4. Friday the 13th: Part II -
No one can accuse Jason of any sort of special treatment after seeing this - yep, Jason kills a dude in a wheelchair. No shame on this guy. So hot wheels knows something is up - he can sense it in the thick, musty air of the dark night....then, whack! - machete to the mug.
And to add insult to injury, the force of the machete sends hot wheels careening backwards down a staircase. Who says Jason doesn't have a sense of humor?
3. Friday the 13th: Part III -
It's talked about in hushed whispers amongst Friday the 13th fans. There was a time when Part III was actually...gasp!...3D and yet Paramount has continued to deny us the pleasures of Part III being in 3D since the advent of home video.
Clearly, this film was made for 3D as this kill will clearly demonstrate so what did Jason fans ever do to you, Paramount?...oh, besides that.
The beauty is in the simplicity; Jason takes some poor schmo and picks him up by his head with each hand crushing his head like a vice. And before long, one eye has decided it's had enough and runs for cover...right at us...in 3D!...or not if you have the DVD.
2. Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood -
A kill so infamous it even got some love in 'Jason X' where it gets a hilarious homage. What do you do when Jason storms into your tent? Well, if you're as dumb as Titties McGee, then you hide in your sleeping bag because, yeah, clearly Jason abides by the rules of 'Monsters, Inc.'.
Wait, no...he doesn't. He drags the sleeping bag out of the tent, sees one helluva tree and raises one mongoloid eyebrow. Slamming the sleeping bag against the tree in full force, it's both funny and...funny.
1. Friday the 13th -
If you're not aware of the events of the original 'Friday the 13th' then don't read any further! So, yeah, most of the kills aren't Jason at all but Betsy Palmer needing work. All the kills except one however, presumably Jason’s first, and in my opinion his scariest.
The best jump scare of the whole series, our female hero thinks she has escaped the crazed clutches of drowned Jason's mother only to...get grabbed by the sogging wet, mutated child Jason and get drug down to the depths of Camp Crystal Lake. It was only the beginning.
So there you have it, taking a small poll amongst family and friends revealed almost everybody’s favorites to match my own but did I miss any that deserve special mention? Strike back below.
Jason returns to the big screen with the remake Friday the 13th from director Marcus Nispel and producer Michael Bay. The film opens worldwide on Friday, Feb. 13, and stars Jared Padalecki, Amanda Righetti, Jonathan Sadowski, Aaron Woo, Travis Van Winkle, and Odette Yustman.
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