How do you know when a movie is no good? There’s a few ways to tell. 1) They don’t screen it for critics. 2) The announced release date is about as steady as a position in Bush’s cabinet. 3) It stars Steven Seagal (bonus points if he directs as well).
Such was the case with Mr. Woodcock. They kept changing the release date but it never seemed to arrive. Now it seems New Line has finally pulled the trigger and decided to dump it in theaters this weekend. Why the delay? Well studio execs always find a way to spin this but the best excuse is probably that it needed time to distance itself from the Iraq war. Now that enough time has passed we can feel free to laugh again. (What’s that? We’re still there? Haven’t we been there long enough to see and kill everything we need to?) Does that mean the film is doomed? Most likely it means that the studio doesn’t know what they have. They might think it’s not funny enough or the actors aren’t big enough names for the summer, or maybe they were waiting for Susan Sarandon to win another Best Actress Oscar and then put out this gem to really ruin her career.
The film stars Billy Bob Thornton and Seann William Scott. Perhaps the only two guys in Hollywood who insist on using all three of their names. A few years ago Billy surprised me when he showed up in Bad Santa. I had always thought of him as the serious actor. The Oscar winner that you hired when you needed to class up your joint, like in Armageddon. He made movies like Monster’s Ball and made them very well. I saw Bad Santa in the theaters twice, that’s how funny I thought it was. I laughed so hard I peed on the guy sitting next to me and we weren’t even related. Billy got a Golden Globe nomination for Bad Santa and I think some of that success (and probably fun he had with the role) went to his head because recently all he’s been doing is trying to repeat the exact same character. I saw School for Scoundrels and Bad News Bears and both were bigger messes than my kids diaper on burrito night.
Mr. Woodcock looks to be Billy walking through the exact same performance one more time. We get it Bill, you’re funny. Now stop with these crappy films and go back to being crazy by hanging Angelina Jolie’s blood from around your neck.
The same could be said of Seann William Scott. I don’t think he has blood hanging around his neck but he’s not really an actor, he is Stifler. Even when he tries to cover it up in the Dukes of Hazzard, he’s a one note actor. Don’t get me wrong, he made me laugh as Stifler, but if you’re going to hit the comedy circuit as the same character every time it would have been smart for him to keep in touch with the gang from Old School since they seem to have perfected that move.
So where does that leave me? Well, the babysitter is about twelve bucks an hour, popcorn and nacho cheese (yes, I like to mix them) another twenty, plus the two hours after the movie where my wife complains that I only pick crap. I guess you know where I stand, yet every time I think of that title I have to admit the fifteen year old boy in me feels like he’s back in history class and he just managed to slip a dirty word by the teacher.
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