Unseen Movie Review: Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer

By Robert Dixter Jun 10, 2007, 9:53 GMT

Marvel\'s first family of superheroes, The Fantastic Four, meets their greatest challenge yet in "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" as the enigmatic, intergalactic herald, The Silver Surfer, comes to Earth to prepare it for destruction. As the Silver Surfer races around the globe wreaking havoc, Reed, Sue, Johny and Ben must unravel the mystery of the Silver Surfer and confront the surprising return of their mortal enemy, Dr. ...more

It was June 2005, and I was feeling rather down. No particular reason other than losing my son’s college tuition in Atlantic City, and mistaking “Teddy” at the bar for a woman.

The ultimate cure was a summer blockbuster, a chance to lose myself in an effects laden piece of popcorn pop culture that could take me to a different time and place and allow me to forget that I needed to explain to my wife that a strange man who wore little pink sweaters and tight leather skirts was coming over for dinner next Thursday. 

I sat down to check out Fantastic Four, and while I wasn’t expecting Spiderman 2 I never expected what was actually on the screen.  It was pure crap.  I mean something that even Ed Wood would look at and say “Wow, that’s bad”. 

It was poorly directed (it never even looked like a comic book movie), it was poorly acted (with the exception of Stan Lee), the effects were weak (The Thing looked like you could use him to mop up big spills in the kitchen), and there was only one big fight scene with the bad guy.  The story didn’t even really stick to the comic source material.  I was shocked to find out later that the film ended up grossing $150 million, which obviously meant there was a sequel on the way.

Making a sequel to this garbage was like playing century club and trying to work down shot #91 when you threw up after shot #90.  I guess the film was marketed pretty well though and they didn’t reveal just how bad it was as a whole – so a lot of people were suckered into paying to see Jessica Alba in her tight blue costume.

When I heard a sequel was on the way I thought that I would rather let Pete Doherty baby-sit my kid than have to sit through another Fantastic Four movie. Then I saw the first trailer for ‘Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer.’

It wasn’t so much a trailer as it was the full clip of the introduction to the Silver Surfer (with Johnny Storm chasing after him). And here’s the problem, it looked good. It looked really good.

Damn 20th Century Fox was making me second guess myself (the same way Lindsay Lohan thinks twice about getting behind the wheel after a bender) by using a new marketing trick and showing what probably amounted to the two coolest minutes in the whole film.  I was actually beginning to forget how bad the first film had been and was thinking I might head out to see part two.

Then I started to read rumors online. Galactus (a character in the comic that eats planets) was going to be represented by a huge cloud. Well, that sucks.

I started to see more trailers, which showed the poor humor that the first film employed.  (Like having The Thing knock Reed Richards into a wall and then say “Me bad”).  Also, The Thing still looked pretty dopey even though it was two years later and 300 showed that you could make an entire battle movie using only a green screen.

So now I don’t know what to think. That first clip of the Silver Surfer was amazing.  But Tim Story is back to direct the sequel and he shoots all his movies the same way regardless of what the content is calling for.  He shot’ Barbershop’ the same way he shot ‘Taxi,’ the same way he shot ‘Fantastic Four.’  Whether he’s doing comedy, drama, comic book movies or ‘The Blair Witch Project,’ all his films are shot in a standard boring fashion.

But remember how cool the Silver Surfer looked in that clip?

Right now I’m torn between seeing it and not wasting my money. In all my time writing for this site I have never been on the fence about a movie the same way I am now.  I really am divided 50/50. Do I spend the money on the babysitter, parking and concessions?  Also, I would have to owe my wife if we went to see it (meaning she would get to pick the next movie and I would have to sit through Waitress or some sequel to a Ya Ya Sisterhood).

So I’m turning it over to you, the faithful readers.  What do you think?  Do I venture out and take a chance on one two minute clip?  Or do I wait for ‘Die Hard 4’ to come along and kick ass?