Unseen Movie Review: Ryan Reynolds

By Robert Dixter Mar 23, 2007, 3:23 GMT

01/18/2007 - Ryan Reynolds - Smokin\' Aces World Premiere - Grauman\'s Chinese Theatre - Hollywood, CA © Photorazzi

Sometimes I go to the movies and see something than gets me thinking. For instance, after ‘Brokeback Mountain’ I started thinking that maybe all cowboys really were gay. After ‘Dreamgirls’ I wondered if it was better to sing to somebody to get your point across.

And every time I see a movie with Ryan Reynolds, I keep asking myself why this guy isn’t a huge Hollywood star yet.  Of course, by the time the movie ends I usually have my answer.  His talent is awesome; his movies are pretty much on the same level as Joey Travolta’s greatest works.

Ryan is a good looking guy with talent who should really be much bigger on the food chain.

And I’m not the only one who thinks this, clearly Hollywood agrees with me since they keep casting him in lead roles even though none of his films have produced a huge hit yet. If only one of his movies would make some money he could be bigger than Michael Clarke Duncan.

Ryan’s got perfect timing on his jokes, a quick wit and not a bad looking lad either. So why is this guy not a bigger box office draw?

He’s had a few missteps (ok, actually all of his films have been bombs). Granted, I’m not involved in his decision making and maybe he takes whatever is offered his way in order to work (hey, you think gambling debts and liposuction is free?  Movie stars have bills too) but he really needs better career advice.

Let’s go through a few of his films and see where he went wrong.

‘Van Wilder’ was really his first starring role. He had to take this movie since he would be the star, but the National Lampoon name just doesn’t carry as much weight as it did in the seventies most likely due to easily accessible porn on the internet.

Then there was ‘The In Laws.’ This film should have never been made in the first place, let alone filmed with this cast. Putting Albert Brooks and Michael Douglas in the Alan Arkin/ Peter Falk roles is like asking Vin Diesel to replace Kenneth Branagh in Henry VI.  Then if you release this trash in the summer months you’re simply asking for a bomb.

Ryan was pretty funny in ‘Blade Trinity’ but that was all Wesley’s movie, and it was the third one in the trilogy. The film did well but Ryan won’t get any credit for standing out in the second sequel to a series made famous by another actor.  Also, Wesley is weirder than Robert Downey Jr. on a three day heroin binge, so if your star is cuckoo it certainly doesn’t help the supporting players.

‘The Amityville Horror’ was a good attempt, but those horror remakes aren’t huge hits and they never rely on big talent to sell them.

‘Waiting’ was too independent and ‘Smokin Aces’ was an ensemble piece and a very bad movie.  And ‘Just Friends’ had him in a fat suit.  (If you’re dressing up to look like Kirstie Alley after a pint of Haagen Dazs, you’ve signed up for the wrong film).
Ryan needs to look at his options and sign up for a movie that has a chance both artistically and commercially. I know they’re not exactly giving away roles in ‘The Departed,’ but something along those lines would be perfect. 

Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, I say your name three times for maximum effect and because I have a very short memory. Find yourself a director who will work with you rather than just let you go and be funny. You tried to sign up with the talented Joe Carnahan (Narc) and made ‘Smokin Aces,’ but that film had more plot holes in it than Amy Winehouse’s underpants.

You seem to be very good at being funny, but you need a director who can guide that talent so it makes sense in the film. Give Jay Roach or Judd Apatow a call and see what they’ve got going on.

There have been rumors floating around that you are signed or will sign to play ‘The Flash.’  This could work out great or it could backfire bigger than Andre the Giant’s coffin. Shawn Levy is attached to direct and my theory on Levy is that he falls into hits backwards.

This guy has proven that he can direct dumb broad family comedies, but has not been tested on comic book adaptations.  ‘The Flash’ needs to come off as cool, think ‘Spiderman 2,’ don’t think ‘The Punisher’ or you’ll be digging an even deeper hole if you tank a huge studio blockbuster.

The next improvement we need is to lose the Hollywood baggage. You’re dating Alanis, then you’re engaged, then you’re not engaged anymore. Don’t become a Star magazine staple before you’ve proved yourself at the box office, then you just become a joke and a punch line to guys who sit around in their underwear writing dopey columns for Monsters and Critics.

Once you’re a hit and a proven box office star, feel free to cavort with as many Hollywood ladies as you would like, in fact you might want to go the Colin Farrell route and get a girlfriend pregnant, or the Billy Crudup way and dump your pregnant girlfriend for Claire Danes. 

But until you’re a star, getting engaged and breaking up with other stars is just tacky.

Ryan, you have the talent and the looks to be huge.  All you need is that one movie to launch you.  Find the right director who will prove you’re an A list star.  Remember Tom Shadyac working with Jim Carrey on ‘Ace Ventura’? 

It was proof that the right vehicle and the right director can make a star out of a guy talking from his ass.

Editor's Note: Ryan's 'Chaos Theory' was screened last month at the European Film Market in Berlin and his 'The Nines' is not scheduled for release yet.