By Robert Dixter Jul 25, 2005, 9:12 GMT
A job, a wife, a baby and no free time. I haven’t seen the films but based on what I’ve heard and know, we’ll see if the movie is worth it. It’s the UNSEEN MOVIE REVIEW.
I like Jamie Foxx. He seems like a really nice guy, a great actor, and always looking to have a good time. Kind of like this really strange girl with a deep voice who called out to me from a window in Amsterdam’s red light district. But you know Jamie is sitting at home, punching himself in the stomach hoping Stealth doesn’t ruin the buzz he generated with his Oscar win. Let’s be honest, do you really think he would have signed on to do this crap AFTER winning the Best Actor trophy?
Stealth looks like a dumber version of 2001: A Space Odyssey, but one that moves much faster and doesn’t leave you pondering your own existence in the universe. Instead of Hal 9000 we have a sophisticated new weapon that develops a mind of its own. I’m hoping once the plane starts thinking it calls Steve Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy for tips, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t happen.
The film stars Josh Lucas in what he’s hoping will finally be his breakout movie. Josh has suffered the same fate as Eric Bana. Both have movie star good looks, both have decent acting chops (Bana a little better than Lucas, but that’s like saying Butthead was smarter than Beavis), and both have been on the brink of superstardom for too long now. Here’s how it works, good looking guy gets role in big movie, movie is huge, guy becomes A list actor and huge celebrity, guy watches a lot of Friends, he marries Jennifer Aniston, they divorce, he heads off to Africa with best friend Angelina Jolie and swears they don’t sleep together. There’s no point in hanging out with Angelina Jolie if you’re not sleeping with her. It would be like visiting the Playboy mansion to scope out the architecture. Josh needs that one sure thing that will launch him into the big paydays, something like War of the Worlds. He did a good job in Sweet Home Alabama but The Hulk didn’t pan out (for Bana too). He should be begging Spielberg for a shot. Bana lucked out and is filming with him right now. I highly doubt Stealth will the one to launch him, it seems like a big, loud, wear a helmet, fly a plane, Jessica Biel in a bikini, slicked up, plotless film. These things are coming out every week. Maybe he’ll have better luck with next summer’s Poseidon. If I haven’t scared you off the film yet, the tagline for selling it is “Fear the Sky”, doesn’t that sound like something a studio would put out if Jessica Simpson was running your marketing department.
If you don’t want to see a bad Top Gun rip off, you might want to try Must Love Dogs. I’ve been seeing a lot of ads for this film but I still have no idea what it’s about. There’s a good chance a romantic comedy might actually do well at this time since there aren’t any real “date” movies out there. The Perfect Man never hit and Wedding Crashers does not count.
The film is directed by Gary David Goldberg, the guy responsible for creating Family Ties. Which begs the question, where is the big screen version of that show? Come on, Tina Yothers needs a paycheck and Jason has already kicked Justine Bateman off his couch and told her to go back to peddling cigarettes behind the Jack in the Box in Queens.
The one thing this film has going for it is Diane Lane. Is it just me or does she just look like she was put together for romantic comedies? She’s very attractive without looking like an unreal supermodel, she seems very approachable and the kind of girl you want as a friend who you become friends with but really want to sleep with because she’s so cool, and she has a perfect smile. It’s not a fake looking Tom Cruise smile meant to disarm you, but a real smile that shows she’s genuine. Ya, I got a thing for Diane Lane, what of it? It’s not like I’m the webmaster of DianelaneissoooooooohotIcantbelieveit.com.
The film also stars John Cusack as the guy who I’m assuming must love dogs. I don’t get this guy at all. He signs on to big loud action pics like Con Air, turns around and does quirky yet very funny films like High Fidelity and Grosse Point Blank and then signs on for the syrupy stuff like Serendipity and Must Love Dogs. I guess I should stop holding my breath for Revenge of Say Anything.
You can read more about Stealth and Must Love Dogs in these links. Look out for site reviews later this week.
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