The Unseen Movie Review: The Longest Yard and Madagascar

A job, a wife, a baby and no free time. I haven’t seen the films but based on what I’ve heard and know, we’ll see if the movie is worth it. It’s the UNSEEN MOVIE REVIEW.When will Allan Covert finally get his own movie? The guy has been wallowing in supporting roles to the supporting characters for years now. It’s time he finally got a shot at the big money, or rather it’s time Adam Sandler finally gave him the shot at starring in a real Hollywood crappy comedy. Who is Allan Covert? He’s the guy that pops up in every Sander film, when you shout at the screen “Hey, wasn’t that guy in 50 First Dates?” or “Didn’t he get the snot beat out of him in Mr. Deeds?” or “That piece of shit Allan Covert still owes me five bucks”.Why all this talk about Covert? It leads to my main point about Adam Sandler. The guy is a superstar $25 million dollar per picture actor with a three dollar haircut but he uses all his clout to hook up his buddies. If you look at credits on past Sandler films, it’s usually all his buddies from NYU and Saturday Night Live. He’s produced movies for Dana Carvey, Rob Schneider and David Spade. I think he also got Garrett Morris a job at The Olive Garden. Now he is starring in The Longest Yard with Chris Rock and the mustache himself Burt Reynolds. (I know Burt didn’t go to NYU or SNL but I just love that mustache).So how do you turn tight friendships into a huge million dollar business? By letting everybody be funnier than you. In all his films Sandler comes across as a nice guy who likes to have fun, drink beer, maybe try on women’s undergarments while listening to Kiss’ Rock and Roll All Nite. He just seems to be a regular guy walking through very funny scenarios that are happening all around him. The big chef in 50 First Dates that keeps pushing the spam, Bob Barker in Happy Gilmore and Chris Farley in Billy Madison. I can’t imagine The Longest Yard will be any different. I’m sure it will be funny and with Chris Rock there you know there has to be a few laughs (unless they tied his arms, taped his mouth shut, and had Michael Powell personally threaten his life). So I’ll spend the 10 bucks and let Adam make me laugh, or rather I’ll spend the 10 bucks and let his friends make me laugh for what is essentially The Waterboy 2. There’s nothing funnier in a football movie than people getting hit so hard they cry in pain. It’s like watching America’s Funniest Home Videos.The other choice for Memorial Day weekend is Madagascar. I love watching computer animated movies. The animation is great, the colors always pop and for some reason studios put a lot more effort into the story in these films than they do in anything starring Vin Diesel. Vin, dude, honestly how do you still have a career? Once I figure out the next number of pi, I swear I’m going to concentrate on such a perplexing problem. So will I head out to see Madagascar? No, because it’s just not Pixar. Pixar makes great movies regardless if they’re animated or not. Madagascar looks really good, it stars Chris Rock, David Schwimmer and Ben Stiller, but it’s just not Pixar. It has a really funny story about Central Park Zoo animals heading out into the wild, but it’s just not Pixar. The film is made by Dreamworks Animation and they did Shrek and Shrek 2.Even Shrek is just not Pixar. Shrek 2 made over $400 million, but (all together now) it’s just not Pixar. So why is Pixar so good? I have no idea but a Pixar movie is an event for me while Dreamworks Animation is just another film at the multiplex.You can read more about Madagascar and The Longest Yard in the links.