Unseen Movie Review: Halloween Horror

I have never been a big fan of horror movies and I think that’s because most of them don’t take the time to actually create anything of value. Do I like being scared? No, I like being tickled and spoon fed warm gravy, not at the same time. I do like getting involved in a story and that’s probably why I have not really enjoyed any horror films in recent years.

Today’s Hollywood executives have only one thing on their mind and that’s making money (ok, two things if you count blinging out their blackberries). So when a trend hits, they grab it and run it into the ground like they’re currently doing with cheap horror films. Kind of like Saturday Night Live does when they manage to stumble across a funny character. Films like ‘The Grudge,’ ‘Saw’ and ‘Hostel’ cost very little to produce and tend to have a pretty decent opening weekend, and return in general. But at what cost to you the viewer? At what cost dammit! Well, I’ll tell you. Most of these films have the frights and the scares but lack the story or the reason you would get invested in the first place. Imagine you’re kissing Janice Dickinson with your eyes closed. Same idea, once you open your eyes and realize it was a hollow experience and that you now require a tetanus shot and a double dose of Listerine to kill the germs. Films like 'Saw' are meant solely to shock and disgust you. If I wanted that I could simply listen to a State of the Union address by President Bush.What happened to films like The Exorcist? That film scared the crap out of me. I was crapless after it. It takes it’s time to build, but it sucks you in so well that by the time Father Merrin shows up and Regan’s pea soup is flying you’re pulling your sweater over your head trying to hide your eyes or get a sneak peek at your four chest hairs. The reason it works so well is because William Friedkin crafts a clever story that makes you feel for Regan and her mom. He makes sure you are invested in what happens to Father Karras because you’ve seen his mother. This helps the horror become that much more frightening like a New York subway ride in the middle of summer with broken air conditioning.So this year I’m going to skip ‘Saw 3’ and ‘The Grudge 2.’ I’ll pass on ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre,’ ‘The Beginning,’ and ‘Shortbus’ (What? It’s not a horror film?) and stay home, pop in ‘The Exorcist’ DVD and yell at kids when they come by trick or treating.