Movies Columns

The Unseen Movie Review: Clerks 2

By Robert Dixter Jul 23, 2006, 5:52 GMT

When I first saw Clerks, I was blown away.

It was the same feeling I had when I first discovered that there was a chewy center in the middle of Tootsie Pops.Here was a film whose look and acting was reminiscent of Paris Hilton’s home videos. It was a standard two shot through the whole black and white movie and most of it takes place inside a convenience store and a video store (I’m still waiting for a relate shot to see just how close the video store was to the Quick Stop). But as soon as the movie began I was able to overlook the cheapness and inexperience of the cast, and I laughed my way from the start to the finish. I hadn’t laughed that long or hard since I was fourteen years old at camp and Michael Shmelberg got a towel snap that drew blood from his butt.From that moment on I became a Kevin Smith fan. He had a different style of writing, it wasn’t the way people talked but I liked it and it made sense in his universe (the View Askew universe). I thought Mallrats had some genuine laughs, and Chasing Amy was a very good film without an ending. You could see the progression and tell that once Kevin started using real actors like Jason Lee and Ben Affleck (keep in mind this was before Forces of Nature) the delivery of his lines and jokes was that much better.Then Kevin got as sloppy as Bizarre from D12 french kissing a chili cheese dog. Dogma actually had a character made of poo, Jay and Silent Bob Strike back was flat out stupid (it seemed as though you wouldn’t notice a bad movie if it was filled with cameos), and I tried to poke my eyes out of my head after watching Jersey Girl.Ten years before he had won Award of the Youth at Cannes for Clerks. Every newspaper was saying how he was the future of cinema, how he had a brand new voice and that he was from New Jersey (Hey, Jersey takes it where it can get it). So what would you do if all the praise never came true? You could either cash in or do a sitcom called Two and a Half Men or you could return to the site that made you famous in the first place. Hence, Clerks 2. We don’t need a sequel to Clerks. The characters weren’t that interesting where I’ve been wondering what happened to them 13 years later and besides, the first film was not even a hit. It was a calling card, a way for Kev to get his foot in the door and a chance for Jason Mewes to have a job that didn’t include donating blood. The new film has the clerks working at a fast food chain, but they’re still arguing over Star Wars and from what I can gather from the promo, watching donkey sex.Again, didn’t I see this already in the Paris Hilton home video?The first Clerks was crass and vulgar but its innocence made it very funny and enjoyable. The new Clerks 2 seems to have ramped up the vulgarity and is trying desperately to shock us. That’s not funny.The cheapness of the first film made you interested in what happened on the screen, but now that Kev has money to make films, the new Clerks 2 just looks cheap and not worthwhile.

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Nice un-review............IdiotJul 23rd, 2006 - 13:40:20

How can you review a movie you have yet to see? So I wasnt crazy about Jersey girl either(Ill give ya that) as for Dogma, you obviosly just didnt get 'it'. Jay and Silent Bob strike back however, was a tribute to his fans. A 'thank you' if you will, to all his supporters. It wasnt made for for the hating mass media moguls who think they know somthing about films when in reality they cant even write a childrens book on par with the cat in the hat. So keep your biased, self serving opinion to yourself. Or better yet, why dont YOU go make a movie and see how you fare......... Nah, you'd never try to acheive anything that requires you leave the saftey and anynomity of your little computer cubicle.

Let the haters hate, let the lovers love

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DoucheJul 23rd, 2006 - 16:15:44

Your 'piece' should have been titles, 'What's the best way to look like an ass?? Ok, I'll rip a movie that I can't afford to see!!' Pathetic..

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ummmm yeah.Jul 24th, 2006 - 19:49:33

I think all Kevin smith Fans Agree Jersey Girl should not have happened... that aside.

Your whole angle on not seeing movies and reviewing theme is hack at best.

nobody cares what you think about a movie you haven't even seen yourself.

a half ass review based on TV spots and trailers is not proper research.

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CmounfieldJul 28th, 2006 - 02:06:17

conveniantly forgetting the chicks with dicks scene for nitpickings sake

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CmounfieldJul 28th, 2006 - 02:07:03

'what I can gather from the promo, watching donkey sex' Oops, forgot what I was referencing to

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