The Unseen Movie Review: Jarhead and Chicken Little

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By Robert Dixter Oct 31, 2005, 17:38 GMT

A job, a wife, a baby and no free time. I haven’t seen the films but based on what I’ve heard and know, we’ll see if the movie is worth it. It’s the UNSEEN MOVIE REVIEW.

If there is one guy I trust completely in Hollywood other than Steven Spielberg it’s Sam Mendes. George, you used to be on that list but after Episode 1 and those cheesy romance scenes in Episode 2, I just feel it’s better if we were friends. So when I heard Sam was doing a war film called Jarhead I knew this was as sure a thing as prom night. Here’s a guy that took a very delicate idea called American Beauty and was able to translate the humor and emotion from the page to the screen and still make watching a video about a paper bag interesting. Then I heard it was going to star Jake Gyllenhall. I’m not really a fan and it’s not because I can’t even spell his name. He’s like that wet puppy that came in from the cold and wanted to be an actor and date Kirsten Dunst. Also, I don’t think he’s very good. Watch Donnie Darko, the film is great but you can always see Jake “acting”. You can tell he’s working as opposed to those great actors that become the characters, Dustin Hoffman, Deniro, Pauly Shore (He WAS the weasel). The thing about Jake is that he always chooses to make very good movies, or at least very interesting concepts. The Good Girl was original, Donnie Darko was fantastic, even The Day After Tomorrow had its moments (then it just became a bad father son episode of Growing Pains). However in the hands of a great director like Sam, I think this film could be the one I’ve been waiting for all summer long.Since I’m heading out to see the new Mendes masterpiece, I’m passing on Chicken Little. I’ve made this argument before when Dreamworks released Madagascar. If you’re making a computer animated film it better be a Pixar movie, or really there’s no reason to see it. Kind of like baking a cake, you need frosting on top otherwise it’s just a muffin. The other computer animated films lack any of the originality and humor that Pixar throws at its films. Instead of going on and on why Pixar is great and the other places don’t add up, I’m taking this space to openly ask Robert Iger to sit down and make peace with Steve Jobs. Listen, if Sharon can suck it up in the Middle East, I really believe Iger can put the Eisner problems behind him and ask Jobs to bring Pixar back. I understand that Pixar is making some outrageous demands, but really what do you have to lose? I can’t think of any Pixar film that has lost money. It’s a guaranteed hit and in this business that is a near impossibility. So even if they only gave you 1% of the box office, that’s still a profit and more money than Atlantis, Treasure Planet and Valiant made for you. Look across the street at 20th Century Fox. George Lucas swings by, tells them he’s working on new Star Wars films, says they can release them and these are my terms. Do you think Fox was sitting around arguing points with George? No, because they know it’s a guaranteed profit and at the end of the year when they rate studios, the box office from Star Wars films counts towards their total. I understand Eisner had a certain amount of pride, and he did turn that studio into what it is today. I mean when he came on board Oliver and Company was the tentpole. But Eisner is gone and any pride he couldn’t swallow is gone with him. So skip Chicken Little, and tell Iger he needs to give Jobs what he wants. Who knows you might even get a free Nano out of the whole deal.Full site reviews later in the week.Access media from 'Jarhead' and 'Chicken Little'.

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Chris Rock interview, Sons of Anarchy and Woody Allen shout out for 'Madagascar' star

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JTNov 2nd, 2005 - 21:54:52

Good choice sir... Chicken Little is mediocre at best.

But, consider being a little more open to animation outsie Pixar. I know I know, Shark Tale makes a good case for avoiding anything that doesn't say Pixar on it, but some of DreamWorks stuff is alright. Madagascar doesn't get enough credit, just for being flat out funny.

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give chicken little a chanceNov 14th, 2005 - 21:50:19

i can't believe that jt didn't like chicken little and the reviewer won't even watch it. you guys are morons. i've seen toy story, the incredibles, finding nemo and all of those other crappy pixar 'classics', and chicken little blows them all way. i admit that i was hesitant to go at first, but my son wanted to see it. he hated it, but he is stupid too. i've seen it twice and will see it again next weekend. forget pixar. its all about disney. after the subpar animation in the incredibles that looks like my 5 year old son drew, I'm never going to waste another cent on anything even related to pixar. i just know that walt disney is sitting in his cryonic chamber with a big smile on his face.

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marine07Dec 20th, 2005 - 05:16:01

wht r We talking about?

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