A job, a wife, a baby and no free time. I haven’t seen the films but based on what I’ve heard and know, we’ll see if the movie is worth it. It’s the UNSEEN MOVIE REVIEW.
I keep seeing ads for Dukes of Hazzard and the first thing that pops into my mind is fond memories of watching the old show with my brother on Friday nights. The next thing that pops into my head is that I remember I never really liked the show and thought it was somewhat stupid. There was no solid plot and I’m quite sure the script said things like “General Lee jumps river and then drives around” for four pages. How can a car be the most popular character on a show and not offer you prom advice like Kitt? All they did was drive around Hazzard County and they never even stopped at a drive thru. When did they eat? I think the pitch meeting was probably quite inventive, we’ll get a cool car, two brothers, a hot chick and some old guy with a beard and overalls. Why are old guys funnier in overalls?
Fast forward about 25 years and now we FINALLY have a movie based on the old show. I’ve been waiting for this since I figured out that it wasn’t so easy to actually mix peanut butter and a chocolate bar together. Not because I’m anxious to see it but I figured it was just a matter of time before a movie studio took what I think was one of the most boring shows on TV and turned it loose on the big screen. But how to make this film succeed? The easiest and best way would be to cast a really hot woman in a bikini as Daisy Duke. It would be even better if she was really stupid so they don’t have someone asking a bunch of dumb questions about her character on set. Enter Jessica Simpson. She’s hot in a bikini and we all know she can’t get any dumber unless they finished that lobotomy they started on her years ago. Jessica is from Texas, so she doesn’t really have to worry about acting the character. It’s pretty smart of her to make this her first film, I’m hoping it’s also her last. I’m pretty sure this won’t happen since I’ve also been hoping Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton get back together but someone just told me that he passed away years ago, so the odds have decreased drastically. If you’re on TV and cannot tell the difference between chicken and fish you were born to play Daisy Duke.
The thing that surprised me the most was seeing that Burt Reynolds is playing Boss Hogg and Willie Nelson is in as Uncle Jesse. Did Loni and the IRS take that much money from these guys that they needed to sign up for this? Burt hasn’t had the success recently that he had in the seventies, but he did do Boogie Nights. Someone out there should want to hire this guy for something decent. And even if nothing else came up, call AAMCO and tell them you’ll do their commercials instead of that cheap Reynolds stand in Mr. Streisand, James Brolin. (I thought the whole point of marrying Barbra was that you would never have to work again. If you have to wake up and see that face and those nails everyday you should be getting something out of the union.)
In case you haven’t figured it out there is absolutely no way I am going to see this movie. I have no problem when studios create films solely for making money. It is after all a business, but there really is no reason to make a film that strives to make itself out to be as dumb as it can. Someone should really tell Seann William that he better hope for American Pie 4, and that a lot of people are wondering why he has three first names and no last name?
A site review next week, meantime you can access media in our database and view premiere photos from the film on this page.
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