To keep the peace, extended-family holiday trips should be short

By Bettina Levecke Jun 10, 2010, 13:47 GMT

Hamburg - Extended-family holiday trips are the latest trend in travel. More and more often these days, grandma, grandpa, parents and grandchildren are spending holiday time away from home together

'The family is experiencing a renaissance,' remarked Ulrich Reinhardt, a tourism expert with the Hamburg-based Foundation for Future Studies, an independent, non-profit research centre. In uncertain times, the family remains a constant, he said.

Putting three generations in close quarters for days on end is not necessarily a recipe for sweetness and light, though. Expectations often clash.

Holidaying together has a lot going for it. 'Seeing each other for many days in a row, and not just on an afternoon over a cup of coffee, is especially beneficial for grandparents and grandchildren,' noted Ulrike-Luise Eckhardt, a family therapist in Berlin.

It gives grandma and grandpa plenty of time to be around the little ones as well as a chance for them to have long talks with their own child again. And the parents can go out without the kids in tow for a change - if the grandparents are willing to take on baby- sitting duties.

'If it's well-planned, everyone can benefit,' said Joerg Wesner, a psychologist in Hamburg.

A successful extended-family holiday trip requires that the family members get along well, of course. Even so, they should not immediately book three weeks in a holiday home together.

'That can backfire,' warned Wesner. He said that shorter trips, for example a holiday weekend, would be a wiser stress test to start with.

Before the holiday begins, family members should voice their expectations. 'Sit down with the family,' Eckhardt advised. 'Everyone should say honestly and openly how he or she pictures the holiday.' Possible pitfalls then often become clear.

A common problem is the roped-in feeling grandparents have when the parents' regard them as ever-ready baby sitters.

'Or the grandparents wrongly assume that an extended-family holiday means doing everything together and are disappointed when the nuclear family wants to go someplace without them,' Wesner said.

'Ideally everyone will have the opportunity for some 'me-time,'' Reinhardt said. The parents may want to go somewhere alone, grandma and grandpa may want to have a break and sometimes the grandchildren should get to call the shots.

'Days for everyone's wishes should be reserved in advance,' he went on. 'For example, a rest day for grandma and grandpa and an amusement park day for the kids.'

Wesner said, 'You've also got to think about how long you really want to be around each other.' And in what kind of accommodation. Holiday homes are often badly soundproofed and it is not easy to avoid one another.

'This is not everyone's cup of tea,' Eckhardt remarked.

Setting down some rules helps to organize life under one roof. Who tidies up when? Who takes care of the children and who does the shopping?

'Distribute tasks beforehand,' Wesner said.

Child-rearing practices need to be discussed, too. Grandparents who spoil their grandchildren can quickly run afoul of the parents. Eckhardt advised parents not to take everything too seriously.

'But grandparents oughtn't to wilfully flout the parents' rules,' she said.

Consultation and mutual respect are the keys to a successful extended-family holiday. 'Sometimes you've got to restrain yourself,' Wesner said. And when emotions boil over? 'Go out, drink a glass of wine at the nearest Italian restaurant and calm down.'