Seeking love on the internet

By Nadine Hantke Jun 17, 2010, 12:24 GMT

Berlin - The lonely hearted people of the world are on the lookout for a partner not only on the disco dance floor and while taking the dog for a walk, but also on the internet.

But many have learned that it's not enough to put their data on a matchmaking site and wait for the right prince or princess to reply. It's also necessary to be active when using the internet to seek social contact.

Nine million people in Germany alone have met a steady partner over the internet, according to a new study by the IT association Bitkom. People who choose internet matchmaking, however, should establish ahead of time what kind of relationship he or she wishes to form.

Along with portals for flirting and so-called dating cafes, there are the more targeted dating services that screen candidates before allowing them into their lists.

People who just like to flirt should go to a site that's set up for that, said Lisa Fischbach, a singles coach at a German website for elite matchmaking. When a steady relationship is the goal, actual matchmaking services are more suitable. Flirt portals are just about the activity of their members, while a dating or matchmaking service gives its members details about potential partners. There also are websites that mix the two.

Filling out a questionnaire is an initial step in the process of registering at a matchmaking website. This is used to build a personal profile.

'We ask our users to answer 200 questions,' said David Khalil of Germany's eDarling.de. 'People who fill it out with the minimum amount of information don't stand out. To show commitment, applicants should also answer extra questions.'

Filling out a profile at a flirt website is also an indispensable part of the exercise, said Fischbach, who has a degree in psychology.

'Standard statements are meaningless,' she said. 'You should put an effort into filling out the questionnaire and the profile. It raises the chances of success.'

Applicants also should avoid little lies about themselves, such as saying they weigh less than they do or are taller than they actually are. The truth is revealed at the first meeting with a potential partner, Fischbach warned. However, selecting a good profile photo is key. Looks are usually what communicates the first impression, on the internet as well as in person.

Fischbach also advises people to be creative when coming up with a pseudonym. Using one's own name with a number attached is totally inconspicuous and boring.

Whether a person uses a flirt portal or a matchmaking website, the golden rule is to be active.

'People who wait to be contacted have the slimmest chance of success,' said Khalil. The first message to an interesting fellow member should be personal. 'Standard emails are dismissed with a click,' added Fischbach, who said the profile should include hobbies and desired travel destinations.

To avoid unpleasant surprises, users should be careful with personal data. Name, address and telephone number - everything that could be used to identify a person - don't belong in such a portal, said Jan Bruns of a German magazine that tested the security of several portals. Despite their good matchmaking qualities, there were gaps in their security. Bruns said user registration data in many cases could be teased out of the website.

Other criticisms of the sites include their lack of transparency when it comes to how long a subscription lasts and what a subscription costs.

'Most portals advertise a monthly rate, but the minimum subscription typically runs for three months,' said Bruns. So it's more expensive that it initially appears. Most sites also offer a free trial period. Making contact with a potential partner through the site is usually only possible after registering.