Lovers' getaway mightn't be so romantic

By Nina Apin Jun 3, 2010, 7:17 GMT

Berlin - When a couple is freshly in love and can't get enough of each other, they can imagine nothing more wonderful than taking vacation together.

Spending a lot of time alone can deepen a relationship. But if their togetherness gets hung up on boredom and strife, the exact opposite occurs. A few rules can help make a couple's first vacation together a success.

'You shouldn't have great expectations about your first vacation as a couple,' said German author Anja Maier. She recommends young couples travel first with a group. That removes any pressure that the trip has to be a great romantic experience. This is especially true when the relationship is new.

'You can't fill up a day staring deeply into each other's eyes,' said Maier. A group provides a dynamic and prevents boredom. In addition group trips often are cheaper.

Tanya Wegberg also advises spending a first vacation together with friends.

'If you don't get along so well, there are others there,' said the former youth counsellor from Berlin. However, a group trip requires some consideration toward others on the trip.

'The couple shouldn't seclude themselves or cling to each other. Otherwise, the others could feel left out,' said Maier. A couple that would rather be alone should simply take a trip together, not with a group.

A vacation for a couple takes a bit of planning. The two of them should agree on the destination. Each party should say ahead of time what they hope to do, said Wegberg. If one wants to go hiking in the mountains while the other wants to go dancing, stress is pre- programmed. The couple also must talk early about financing the trip. Agreeing on an amount to cover daily costs is recommended, Wegberg added.

Laura Weidinger, a 19-year-old student from Berlin, sees it differently. She is in favour of keeping vacation funds separate. Having been in a relationship for two years and having taken several trips with her partner, she considers herself experienced in the area of couple's vacationing.

'When each party pays for him or herself, there's no occasion to fight,' she said. Only when it comes to buying food at a grocery store should the couple pool their money. She prefers vacationing as a couple to vacationing in a group.

'But the first vacation together shouldn't last longer than a week. You could otherwise start to get on each other's nerves,' said Weidinger. She finds travelling together with friends somewhat difficult because it can be a strain trying to find the balance between being together with a group and being together alone.

Her vacation with her boyfriend in a holiday home on the Cote d'Azur was a complete success. They jogged, read, shopped and cooked together. 'You need something to do and an area in which you can discover something together.'

In Weidinger's circle of friends there have been couples who broke up after vacationing together. A relationship can fall apart when a couple vacations together because both are in an unusual situation.

They might have shared day-to-day life, but while on holiday together they get to know each other all over again and they might discover sides of their partner that they don't find so nice.