By Britta Schmeis Feb 11, 2007, 8:14 GMT
Munich - For weeks, there has been no escaping all the advertisements for flowers, perfumes and chocolates. People who love their partner will probably buy that special someone at least a small Valentine's Day gift, even knowing that red roses may cost double on February 14.
Giving flowers is not the only way of showing affection, though. Psychologists and relationship counsellors advise 'cultivating the relationship' instead.
'It's always a good idea to do something for your relationship, so why not take advantage of Valentine's Day?' remarked Mathias Voelchert, a Munich-based counselor and author. While it was not enough to last the entire year, nor compensate for forgotten anniversaries, he said it was nonetheless a good opportunity to let a partner know just how much he or she means.
'This is easier for some people on Valentine's Day because they're not alone, which makes it less embarrassing,' noted Hamburg relationship counsellor Joerg Wesner.
His colleague Tom Diesbrock added, 'Valentine's Day is a ritual. And it always makes sense to cultivate rituals because we have so few of them in our lives.'
In Diesbrock's view, giving flowers - it was the florist industry, incidentally, that popularised Valentine's Day in Germany in the 1950s - does not suffice.
'Red roses are overritualised, and so they've come to symbolise a lack of imagination more than any strong feelings,' he said.
He and Wesner said that it came down to spending time together in an untypical way. 'On a day like Valentine's Day, you should give of yourself rather than merely tokens of your affection,' Diesbrock remarked.
Simply going to a movie hardly fills the bill. 'A day such as that should differ from a normal day,' Diesbrock said. He suggested surprising one's partner by picking her or him up from work for a short, stylish lunch, visiting an exhibition together, or dining out in the evening at an unfamiliar restaurant.
A couple with children might 'get away' by hiring a babysitter for the evening. It is important, Diesbrock said, that they be able to concentrate on each other, which is seldom possible under normal circumstances.
Physical displays of affection are also important. 'Touching one's partner not only feels good. It actually has a positive effect on the body since it prompts the release of hormones,' said Julia Scharnhorst, a health psychologist from the town of Wedel, near Hamburg.
Touching on days like February 14 is especially recommended, she said.
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