Consumer Health Features

Kiss me, I’m Going To Be Irish For A Day! St. Patrick's Day must-haves

By Karen V. Stevens Mar 7, 2013, 22:00 GMT

I don’t have one ounce of Irish in me… I bronze in the sun, I can’t stand whiskey, the only stones I’ve kissed aren’t “Blarney” (by the way, WTF is a blarney stone?) and I don’t have a clue as to the second verse of Danny Boy.

St. Patrick’s Day is the one day a year we can all get shit-faced plastered in the name of a some guy who was kidnapped in 390 AD and sent to Ireland as a slave, had a revelation, became a priest and started converting the Irish … Oh, and he presumably rid Ireland of snakes.  Did I get that right??

For that matter, I could have rid Ireland of all their snakes (they allegedly have no snakes) and we would have had a St. Karen's Day.  Everyone would honor me by wearing six inch heels and cook chicken for their dogs.

I don’t have one ounce of Irish in me… I bronze in the sun, I can’t stand whiskey, the only stones I’ve kissed aren’t “Blarney” (by the way, WTF is a blarney stone?) and I don’t have a clue as to the second verse of Danny Boy. 

Add to that, I never saw the movie 'Rudy' and I have a desperate hate-on for the Fighting Irish and their stupid Leprechaun mascot!  But it is that one day a year that I go green. 

So in honor of all the real and fake Irish out there, here is a list of must haves to make your day, event, party, get-together, or Gaellic-a-palooza as Irish as a leprechaun dancing a jig and holding on to his lucky charms.

Let’s get this party started….

No St Patrick’s Day drunk-fest-extravaganza is complete without obnoxious bright green party favors.  My favorite super secret joint to stock up on all your Irish accessories is www.Halloweencostumes.com

Don’t let the name fool you.  They have all things green for the Irish in you (or to get a little Irish in you… haha), from full sized leprechaun outfits or green tuxedos to t-shirts labeling you “Drunk 1” and “Drunk 2”. 

If you want to get your Irish gangsta-pimp look on, they have a lime green fedora that would even stand out at a pimp convention in downtown Detroit! However, if you’re tastes are more frat boy party animal, you can fill up your cart with shamrock antennae boppers or sunglasses, green feather boas, Guinness top-hats and for that lucky Irish lass in your life, a beer stein purse!!  What a genius way to get a man to hold your purse for you while you are daintily throwing up green beer and cabbage rolls in the bushes.   http://www.halloweencostumes.com/st-patricks-day-costumes.html

I am not one to bow down to conventional thinking or dressing. I specifically won’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day just because everyone expects me to.  And yet again, I still have nightmares of being pinched in grade school by all my conformist friends who were decked out in their green Garanimal ensambles.   Because of them, I now add just a splash of green to avoid the pinchy-minchies.

One great and unconventional way to do this is with your hair.  But you don’t have to dye your locks just to make a group of Be-gorra saying, Guinness swilling, jig dancing, Kennedy loving folks feel like they’ve taken over the world.  I found two great ways of greening your hair just for the day.  She by SO.CAP.USA has wild bright colored clip-in extensions in either Dark Green or Acid Green.  http://www.socapusa.com/  They are comfortable to wear, look great and you don’t need to be a 20 something pop icon to pull off this look.

Another hair option comes from Beverly Hills eyebrow and make up doyenne, Anastasia Soare of Anastasia Beverly Hills, who gives us her Hypercolor™ Brow and Hair Powder. 

The kit includes a striking lime green color that you can either brush on to a thatch of hair or just apply the tips for a kicky Irish flash.    The powder doesn’t stain your skin or clothes and it easily washes out.  http://www.anastasia.net/Hypercolor-Brow-and-Hair-Powder.html  I actually tried this on my dog Charlie!

Another great idea for just a pop of green can come from a stylish belt.  Badichi Custom Belts are a terrific way to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with panache.  When they say customized, you better believe your sweet Irish ass they are, from the width to the materials to the patterns to the buckle to the color, you get the picture, you can be your own designer…

That way you can add just the right amount of green to your day, just a splash around the sash, and you can make it as trendy or elegant or sophisticated as you want.  Or you can go bright and wild and make a statement.  This is a very cool belt that you can use all year round.  Check out http://badichibelts.com/

Jane Iredale Make Up offers an alternative for greening up your day without overdoing it.  Among her make up offerings is a 24-Karat Gold Dust face and body shimmer powder in green.  Yes, a green shimmering body powder.  But don’t freak out and think you will look all My Favorite Martian-like. Remember that you are wearing this as a statement color… letting the world know that you are celebrating St. Patrick’s Day and getting on your green.  And, the powder actually uses real 24 karat gold leaf, so there is that!  Which, by the way, is a great pick up line:  I’m the pot of gold at the end of your rainbow….

Speaking of gold, Jane Iredale also has an ultra slick liquid gold eyeliner to help your eyes pop that I love.  I’m so sick of basic black and let’s face it, using a blue eyeliner just makes you look like a sadder, trashier, version of Courtney Stodden, if that is actually possible.  But gold eyeliner… wow, that really adds pizzazz to your eyes and might keep most guys from just looking at your boobs! https://janeiredale.com/

If your tastes run to getting a sugar high instead of being passed out in the gutters smelling of puke and sadness, then I’ve got you covered.

Almost done and we still haven’t discussed an Irish mainstay… the potato!  Jaysus, Joseph and Mary!! How is that possible?  An entire civilization that thrived on the glorious tuber and was coincidentally, almost wiped by the loss of it with the Great Potato Famine and I have yet to mention it? 

Fear not Gaelic readers, The Pennsylvania General Store has us both covered with their version of an Irish Potato.  This delicious and oh so sweet confection is made with a dense coconut cream, coated in cinnamon, that makes it look exactly like a spud, well, a little spud… a spud-nik or in this case, an O’spudnik. 

Even though this candy comes from a state that is way more Dutch and German than Irish, these tots are a great and fun gift to send to your all your Irish cronies.  http://www.pageneralstore.com/product/IrishPotatoCandy

Is an Irish Potato too cliché for your politically correct friends?  Then I suggest sending a gift basket from Cookies by Design.  I know what you are thinking… cookie baskets are a dime a dozen these days.  Everyone’s mother is doing a basket, (Well, not mine as she is an awful baker, but she is great as yelling to her assistant to order a damn basket of something and send it out… yesterday!) 

Anyway, back to the most delicious cookies I have ever eaten in my life, and that includes my yearly homage to the Girl Scouts of America!!  Cookies by Design are amazing, I mean, beyond amazing… and they offer a great and tasty St. Patrick’s Day assortment that comes in a “boutray”; a combination of the St. Paddy’s inspired and hand-decorated iced cookies for the "Bouquets" and premium assorted specialty gourmets on a "Tray”, get it?  Anyway, I would give up all the Whiskey and Irish Coffees in County Clark for their cookies!  Check out http://www.cookiesbydesign.com/ And they offer same day delivery!  I mean, how can that be bad??
www.cookiesbydesign.com/

And last but certainly not least I recommend the Vermont Nut-Free Chocolates.  They have a choice of Irish themed treats that can be sent to any g-rated St. Patrick’s party.   These delicious chocolates are foil wrapped in Irish lucky charms, (shamrocks, leprechauns, horseshoes) or a chest of gold coins or even a chocolate leprechaun on a stick, and come in either dark or milk chocolate. 

As a rule, I’m not a huge fan of dark chocolate, probably because it’s healthier, but this chocolate was absolutely delicious, and I detected no bitterness that I usually taste with dark chocolate.  As an added benefit and for all of you who are greatly allergic to any nuts, The Vermont Nut Free Chocolates are what they claim…. 100% nut free; that includes coconut and sesame products. (The founder’s son is severely allergic to nuts, so I’m sure she wouldn’t lie about this!)  So, indulge and put away that epinephrine shot for the day!  http://www.vermontnutfree.com/  You might want to pick up two of everything, my co-workers stole all the samples when I wasn’t looking, the treats are that good!!

So there you have it, some quick and inexpensive ways to get your Irish on with friends and family or strangers and tipsy cretins.

PS.  Can somebody please explain a Shillelagh to me!!!

Karen V. Stevens is a totally not Irish segment television producer, USC booster and media/pr consultant living in Los Angeles, California. You can follow her on Twitter