I’ve always had a certain lust for conquest and subjugation. Maybe it’s repressed grade-school angst. Maybe it’s a subconscious desire to lash out at a world over which I have no control. Maybe it’s something primal and reptilian. Or maybe it’s just fun as hell to thunder through territories, the harbinger of heartbreak and ruin, salting the earth of my fallen foes. Whatever it is, it’s been far too long since I’ve explored that lust. It’s been over two years since Rome, the last installment of the Total War series, gave me the chance to sow torment and terror throughout the known world and bend all to my iron hand. And that’s two years too long.
Bigger and bloodier and with a steeper learning curve, Medieval II is a fine addition to the Total War series. But it is not for the faint of heart.
Medieval II: Total War is thus a godsend for this armchair despot. Once again my legions can thunder forth across the field of honor, my spies can seditiously slither through the crannies of foes’ fortresses, and my assassins can deliver grim reckoning to those who resist my will. All in either a short campaign (in which 15-20 provinces must be conquered) or a long campaign (in which at least 45 provinces must be conquered), allowing me to tailor my tyranny to the length that suits me best.
Nothing says conquest quite like a couple of bone-crunching trebuchets.
The Setup The game begins in the year 1080. The Great Schism split Christendom in twain two decades earlier, the once-mighty Frankish empire that Charlemagne forged lay in shambles, and the stage was set for the high middle ages and for conquest and usurpation by all. From the onset of the game, the player takes on the role of one of several medieval powers (the English, the French, the Holy Roman Empire, the Spanish, or the Venetians, with others such as the Byzantine Empire and Egypt being unlockable later on) and finds themselves right in the middle of an old-time European land grab. The first few moves in the game are relatively straightforward – as each of the major powers are surrounded by un-aligned rebel towns that can be easily sacked without fear of diplomatic retribution – but the game gets sticky from here. Soon enough the borders of empires scrape against one another, straining relations and leading inevitably to the ‘total war’ that is the series’ namesake.
The strategic map gives you a good overview of who you are about to crush and who is about to crush you.
And what a war it is. Unlike the wars of Rome, the wars of Medieval II are slower and more deliberate. In Rome, the player found themselves at the helm of a technologically- and organizationally-superior empire that could steamroll over all who stood in its wake. Wars progress much more slowly in Medieval II, as the empires are at similar technological crossroads to one another and don’t have any clear advantages at the beginning of the game. Once they’ve started, it’s also far more difficult to break free of a war, and diplomacy is a heftier task than the good old “feed them gold until they stop attacking you” staple of strategy game negotiation. I even found factions that I had all but destroyed unyielding to even the most reasonable demands, preferring instead to keep fighting to the bitter end from their paltry province-holdings.
Religious Matters
Defy the Pope too much and you'll be seeing this screen, followed shortly by the massed legions of Catholicism.
Muslim and Orthodox factions have it a bit easier, and don’t have to deal with the prattling of the Papists. However, they can find themselves on the wrong end of a Crusade called by a Pope, with the might of Christendom knocking on their doorstep as zealous factions eager to gain status in the eyes of the Vatican attack en masse. They are also located on the eastern end of the game map, which makes them the first to get hit once the Mongols appear and commence savaging the western world.
Europe for the Sacking All of the moves, diplomacy, subterfuge, and conquest take place on the game’s strategic map, showing the layout of feudal Europe and the tenuous political boundaries that define it. Armies can be created by massing troops together (which can be trained at any of the towns) and can be led by one or more family members – individuals who can either grant bonuses or penalties to the troops under their command or the towns that they manage. These armies can then be moved through territories and provinces to conquer cities, attack other armies, and set ambushes along strategic positions.
War is a double-edged sword, and cuts through the best-laid plans of kings and generals.
Not only do battles and territorial conquest play a part, but the conquests of hearts and minds and markets also play themselves out within the game. Each of these conquests is accomplished through ‘agents’: spies, assassins, and diplomats all return to the series to fulfill their respective rolls, and three new agent types – the priest, the princess, and the merchant – have been added to spice things up. Princesses have the ability to both engage in diplomacy with another faction or marry a faction’s general – stealing both the general and the army that he commands. Priests can convert other lands to their religious ways, and denounce the blasphemous heretics that roam the land. And merchants can park themselves on resources to gain a certain amount of gold each turn, or buy out the assets of other merchants (giving you a sizeable chunk of gold as well as eliminating the financial threat opposed by that merchant).
Heretics roam the land, who must be denounced by your priests lest they spread their blasphemy. Even if they are named Moses.
To keep the game fresh, there are curveballs that are thrown every once in a while over which the player has no control. Technological advances proceed without the player, providing somewhat of an equalizer. Just when a ruler believes his knights to be invincible, gunpowder is invented, and the mechanics of combat change forevermore. And historical events such as the plague, Mongols, and Timurids (Mongols with guns) help keep players on their toes against unexpected threats.
Storms, volcanos, and earthquakes are all animated on the game's strategic map.
Bogged Down in Procedures
Just when you thought it was safe to sack towns again, the Mongols arrive.
The endgame portion also feels like a slog. By the time the player has conquered a significant portion of the provinces, they have found themselves at war with more or less all of Europe, and must face the wrath of a dozen gnat-sized armies encroaching on their territories. Though they don’t pose any threats to the supremacy of the player’s empire, they do prove very annoying, and make the final portion of the game more like a chore. To plunder the movie Gladiator: “People should know when they are conquered.”
Summing It All Up
Gunpowder is pretty sweet.
Newcomers might find picking up Medieval II akin to walking into a movie halfway through – as we veterans have had four years to adjust to the Total War series’ mechanics and vagaries – but with patience and time (and several read-throughs of the manual) all will become clear and even the greenest rookie will be able to steep themselves in the red carnage of slaughter. After all, Rome wasn’t conquered in a day.
Pros
Cons
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