DVD Reviews

Stonehenge Apocalypse – DVD Review

By Frankie Dees Jan 6, 2011, 2:07 GMT

When a disgraced scientist discovers unusual spikes in the Earth\'s electromagnetic field emanating from Stonehenge, it is up to him to warn the world of a possible apocalypse. As his claims are disregarded by his peers, the ancient structure begins to move independently, build up an electromagnetic charge and release enough energy to vaporize people within a certain radius. Can he convince the military and his peers of his findings ...more

First things first. ‘Stonehenge Apocalypse’ is an awesome title and hides no delusions of grandeur. Yep, that title promises that a pile of boulders will bring our world to an end and, dammit, that’s what we’re going to get!

Okay, now that I got my gushing over the film’s title out of the way, I can tell you that this movie sucks. But of course you already knew that. The question is if it’s an entertaining suck? And even in that regard, not really.

Depending on my mood, I can tolerate the rare B-movie with shoddy effects, ridiculous dialogue and hambone acting, but I like my B-movies with a knowing glint in their eye. No such luck here.

Outside of that awesome title, ‘Stonehenge Apocalypse’ is played deathly serious. A technique that can work for crap movies but only if the filmmakers are deluded enough to think their making a great product - i.e. any film by Ed Wood or ‘The Room’ or God help us ‘Troll 2.'

Here, the glum seriousness of it all is only undercut by the fact that you realize the one reason anyone showed up is a paycheck. No one came to play and when rocks threaten to end our world, someone needs to be having fun!

As you can imagine, the plot for ‘Stonehenge Apocalypse’ is mind-numbingly stupid yet par for the mumbo-jumbo sci-fi genre course, unnecessarily convoluted. Stonehenge as it turns out is an ancient doomsday device, possibly built by aliens (but I’m not sure the pic ever clarifies) and will play God by wiping out life as we know it.

It’s powered by a vast network of electromagnetic pulses that are tied to random pyramids that will transform into volcanoes and explode when the Stonehenge internal doomsday clock counts down to zero.

Still with me? Really? Anywho, so our protag is basically Woody Harrelson from ‘2012’, a conspiracy theorist scientist with his own radio show that stumbles upon this plan. He shoots off to Britain to be a big know-it-all and good thing too as the British scientists and military can think of nothing better than to nuke the whole site.

And if pyramid/volcanoes were not bad enough, the key to stopping it all was stolen by a cult who is going to hide out in a giant pyramid in…wait for it…Maine…and repopulate the Earth after the ‘Stonehenge Apocalpyse’!

The film is presented with a 1.78:1 anamorphic transfer and includes a Behind the Scenes featurette and the trailer.

The effects are expectedly cringe-worthy and worth a giggle or two, but there’s not much fun to be had here. I recommend reading the title, checking out the cover and imagining your own, most likely more effective, movie.

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