Never has a movie been more aptly named. Dog turd might’ve been a better name for it, but disaster fits it to a tee. Please make them stop making these, and with the ever decreasing box office receipts for each installment this might actually be the last one – fingers crossed.
The plot is thus: Will (Matt Lanter) has to rush across town to rescue his girlfriend Amy (Vanessa Minnillo), who he’s just broke up with, since she’s become trapped in the museum where she works thanks to the city being struck with all sorts of natural disasters.
It has been revealed to Will in a dream (featuring a prehistoric Amy Winehouse and a lame wrestler parody) that the world will end if the crystal skull is not returned to its altar. Luckily, it just happens to be in the museum where Amy works.
Will and his pal Calvin (Gary ‘G Thang’ Johnson, no really), Calvin’s girl Lisa (Kim Kardashian), and the pregnant Juney (Crista Flanagan) must rush from Will’s Super Sweet Sixteen party (don’t ask) to rescue Amy.
Along the way they encounter the whorish Princess Giselle (Nicole Parker), Hellboy (Ike Barinholtz), Carmen Electra, and a host of other really bad jokes and celebrity impersonations.
You know its bad when our screenwriters and directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have to write in lines that actually tell you who’s being lampooned, like “hey look its Jessica Simpson.” They even have dialogue telling that the big red guy with the weird hand is Hellboy, the green guy is the Incredible Hulk, and the guy in the Batman suit is… well, Batman. They must truly think their audience is a massive bunch of dunderheads (“Hey look a dunderhead!”).
The disastrous duo was also responsible for the rancid Meet the Spartans, but since the box office for each film has been getting less and less we can only hope that they’re not given a change to spoof again.
The movie lives up to its name as it’s really a disaster of a film. Our rotten characters just move from one bad joke to another as they try to get to the museum to save Amy ala Cloverfield. I kept count of the laughs I uttered and the final score was two.
One was when ‘G Thang’ (yes, really) answered his Get Smart shoe phone and got dog shit all over his face (he deserved it for appearing in this stinker). The other I think was more of a smirk and I can’t really think of what made that happen. Perhaps some bad bean dip.
These spoof flicks have only been getting worse and this one is the bottom of the filthy barrel. You know it’s pretty bad when they steal from Uwe Boll and make Indiana Jones a person of short stature.
Disaster Movie is presented in a 1080p high definition transfer (1.85:1). The movie might be terrible but the presentation is pretty good and clear, but the movie is so bad what different does that make? You can’t polish a turd.
Not being satisfied with annoying us with the film, Lionsgate also has to annoy us with the menus as each selection has the audio of a scream. That should warn you against hitting the play button. You also get a picture in picture commentary with the cast and crew (providing you have a player capable of displaying it) and all of the special features are in high definition.
You also get the 4 minute “Straight from the Ladies” with Flanagan and Parker adlibbing, in character, about the film. If you didn’t get enough of ‘G Thang’ then you can go on the 10 minute set tour with him. “This is how we do it” is a 9 minute bit with the actors talking about the film. The 1 minute “Girl Fight” is about the wrestling match between Electra and Kardashian.
There’s even more ‘G Thang’ in the 7 minute “Sitting Down with a Stand Up” interview. The 4 minute “Who’s Spoofing Who” is about celebrity reaction to being spoofed in these worthless movies.
The two musical sequences, “I’m F**king Matt Damon” and “High School Musical” get the sing along treatment in two 4 minute bits. You can also access the film’s MoLog (Movie Blog) if you have an internet connected player and there are previews of other Lionsgate products.
Disaster Movie lives up to its title and is sure to make most every critic’s “Worst of 2008” list. The film does look really good on Blu-ray, but you may have to turn away when the jokes get too bad (it doesn’t take too long for that to happen).
Disaster Movie [Blu-ray] is now available at Amazon . Visit the DVD database for more information.
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