Witless Protection is a film that halfway lives up to its name and one that you’ll want to be protected from. Larry the Cable Guy may have found his niche in aping Ernest P. Worrell, but sadly it’s the Ernest that was in the near humorless final films.
Deputy Larry Stalder (Larry the Cable Guy) is a good ole’ boy that appears to be set in his small Southern town. He’s got what appears to be an easy job with Sheriff Smoot (Richard Bull – Mr. Oleson from Little House on the Prairie!!), a pretty hot waitress girlfriend named Connie (Jenny McCarthy) who likes to hunt and fish, and some lumpkin buddies to pal around with.
One day a black SUV full of men with black suits, sunglasses, and earpiece radios rolls into town, led by agent Moseley (Yaphet Koto). They’re escorting Madeline (Ivana Milicevic). Couldn’t be FBI reasons Larry, so they must be kidnappers. Larry then proceeds to “rescue” Madeline from them.
She’s on the run from Arthur Grimsley (Peter Stormare, with a terrible English accent) and was on her way to testify against him in a federal trial. Now Larry has to go on the run to protect Madeline from Grimsley and get her to the trial on time.
Larry the Cable Guy has a certain charm in his standup and has been in one great movie – Cars. However, that’s about it as far as his film career goes and Witless Protection might be ready for the awards season - but it’s going to be the Razzie Awards.
I’m still trying to figure out which is worse – this one or Health Inspector. This one appears to have been made with a lesser budget than Health Inspector and may win by a nose for worst place. Jenny McCarthy is given star billing but really barely appears in the film and some old pros should’ve known better – I’m talking to you Joe Mantegna.
Mantegna is particularly horrible as a Southern fried sissy boy married to Larry’s obese sister in an attempt to send up mad scientists. Did you lose a bet Joe? Eric Roberts resume already denotes that he’ll show up for a paycheck. The film is just awful with not a laugh in it. If Jim Varney was alive I could see this being an Ernest vehicle.
Maybe Larry inherited a trunk of scripts from the Varney estate and is plowing through them? Whatever the case, I think that Varney might’ve been able to squeeze out a laugh or two where Larry cannot.
Witless Protection is presented in anamorphic widescreen (1.78:1) and is enhanced for 16x9 televisions. Special features include a trio of featurettes (Making Witless: The Cast on the Cast, Larry's Use of the Analogy, and The Musicians of Witless Protection) but for a film so rotten it really doesn’t deserve anything.
Witless Protection is now available at Amazon . As of yet, there is not a release date for the UK. Visit the DVD database for more information.
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