“Hello, boils and ghouls” followed by a devious cackle can only mean one thing: the return of the Cryptkeeper in Warner Brother’s new release of ‘Tales from the Crypt’s final season - the popular horror anthology series with a penchant for tongue-planted-firmly-in-cheek black humor and gore.
For fans, the show’s heritage should be old news by now – making its debut on HBO on June 10, 1989 and lasting a full seven seasons going off the air in 1996, the show was a result of William M. Gaines’ horror/mystery comic books from the fifties - comics such as the titular “Tales from the Crypt” along with “The Vault of Horror” and “Shock Suspense Stories”.
The episodes were adapted surprisingly faithfully from the old comics, keeping the black humor and twist endings the controversial comics were known for while also ratcheting up the gore and nudity to sate the expectations of what viewers would expect from an HBO series.
For Season Seven, the ‘ol Cryptkeeper is definitely getting a little long in the rotten teeth – it only makes sense that the majority of the best material was used in previous seasons – so they transplant the action to London to try and give the franchise a fresh start. Apparently the new location didn’t work but better scripts for the final 13 episodes certainly wouldn’t have hurt.
The talent in front and behind the camera, while still intriguing, doesn’t quite match up to previous seasons hence none of the executive producer big boys like Robert Zemeckis and Richard Donner jumping behind the camera. Regardless, there is still quite a bit of fun to be had in this season with some solid turns from a number of great British actors, among them being Natasha Richardson, Daniel Craig, Bob Hoskins, Steve Coogan, Ewan McGregor Eddie Izzrd and Imelda Staunton.
Probably the weakest set of episodes of the series, even mediocre Tales from the Crypt still pleases me more than recent anthologies like ‘Masters of Horror’ and ‘Nightmare and Dreamscapes’.
Thirteen episodes comprise the seventh season and are spread across three discs as follows:
On Disc One, we get ‘Fatal Caper’, a fairly dull Bob Hoskins-directed episode where Hoskins plays the lawyer of a wealthy, dying Englishman who longs to make up with his youngest son, who disappeared years before. With the man pledging to give all the inheritance to charity if the two oldest brothers can’t find their younger brother, some nasty bickering and back-stabbing takes place. Natasha Richardson also stars; a move that doesn’t turn out to be all that flattering. Ho-hum.
‘Last Respects’ was the last thing filmed by Freddie Francis (director of the original 1972 Amicus movie ‘Tales from the Crypt’) and is a take on the ‘ol wish abuse story. Three sisters stumble upon a monkey’s paw that happens to grant wishes. When one vengeful sister gets nasty, the monkey paw makes sure of her comeuppance. An okay episode but not great.
‘A Slight Case of Murder’ is directed by Brian Helgeland (‘Payback’, ‘A Knight’s Tale’) about a mystery writer Sharon (Francesca Annis) who ends up dead due to a jealous husband. A seemingly benign neighbor ends up having a story to tell also however. Ehh, so far this season, the lack of gore has proven a disappointment even if this latest episode has a competent twist.
‘Escape’ is slightly more ambitious and at least takes place within a distinctly different environment. In WWII, a man winds up in a prison camp under a false name and is disturbed to find out that a past enemy has showed up at the same prison camp, possibly intent on revealing his real identity.
‘Horror in the Night’ is the last episode on the disc and directed by Russell Mulcahy (‘Resident Evil: Extinction’). Slightly better, a jewel thief hides out in a sleazy hotel only to attract the attention of a sexy, mysterious dark-haired woman where he then begins to have nasty visions. A lot of imagery stolen from ‘The Shining’, there’s enough blood here to get a pass from me.
Disc Two starts off with ‘Cold War’ starring Ewan McGregor and a female partner in a story that ends up being little more than zombies vs. vampires. Admittedly a cool concept but the execution is just okay. Zombies versus Werewolves, Zombies versus Mummies… I think they’re on to something.
‘The Kidnapper’ is a dark comedy about a man (Steve Coogan) who takes in a pregnant woman, falls in love with her, and eventually becomes jealous of her newborn infant. Setting up a plan to get the infant kidnapped, he soon regrets his decision…and I mean really regrets it. A humorous but slight tale although I question that it derived from a crypt…
‘Report From the Grave’ has B-movie director William Malone direct another mediocre episode that has an inventor create a machine that can read the memories of the dead. When the inventor’s girlfriend dies, he puts his newfound invention to good use but as usual, things go awry.
‘Smoke Wrings’ main point of interest is a very early performance from Daniel Craig and not much else. Boring corporate settings and your standard revenge twist plotting – my interest waned by the end of this one. ‘About Face’ is one of the more gorier eps of the season and follows the exploits of a priest who just finds out he has sixteen-year twin daughters from a past affair with a maid.
Inviting them both to live with him, one daughter is pretty and forgiving of their father while one is not so pretty and not so forgiving. A little better but the twist was predictable.
The final three episodes on Disc Three start off with ‘Confession’ about a screenwriter (Eddie Izzard) of serial killer pics who becomes a prime suspect in a murder case where the murderer’s MO matches the screenwriter’s creation. The penultimate episode ‘Ear Today…Gone Tomorrow’ focuses on an aging burglar, a safecracker, who loses the faith of his boss when his hearing starts to go and as a result, his safecracking skills.
Attempting to improve his hearing, he subjects himself to an unusual surgery but the surgery turns out to be not the greatest of ideas.
The final episode of the series is ‘The Third Pig’, unique by being completely animated, but otherwise a disappointing end to a disappointing season. A ‘Crypt’ish take on ‘The Three Little Pigs’, John Kassir narrates the tale of poor Dudley, the third pig who gets himself framed for the murder of his brothers by the Big Bad Wolf. Being found guilty, he finds vengeance through his Frankenpig creation to kill the real murderer.
The animation is weak, the humor doesn’t work and the music and sound f/x are just plain annoying – it’s like an extended, unfunny version of an ‘Itchy & Scratchy’ sketch.
The episodes are presented in their original 1.33.1 full-frame aspect ratio. The lone special feature is a virtual comic book based on ‘Fatal Caper’ with narration by John Kassir and running close to 10-minutes. Something a little extra to celebrate the final season would have been nice…
Some intriguing casting and a few strong episodes might warrant a rental out of casual interest but there’s little doubt that Season Seven is the weakest of the bunch. For longtime fans of the show, though, I imagine it would be silly not to go ahead and complete the series.
Tales from the Crypt: The Complete Seventh Season is now available at Amazon . As of yet, there is not a release date for the UK. Visit the DVD database for more information.
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