DVD Review: Creepshow 3

By Jeff Swindoll May 11, 2007, 16:38 GMT

This third installment in the George Romero/Stephen King-launched anthology series features five new tales of horror and a wraparound. The main stories deal with alternative realities ("Alice"), possessed communication devices ("The Radio"), vampires and serial killers in lust ("Call Girl"), mad inventors ("The Professor\'s Wife"), and hauntings from beyond ("Haunted Dog"). ...more

“The most fun you’ll ever have being scared!”  Too bad they don’t offer a money back guarantee with that statement.  It’s false advertising whatever it is. 

Some new folks take over the franchise that Stephen King and George Romero built.  They use the Creepshow name but they should’ve labeled their movie Crapshow. 

What the back of the box says (lies mostly):
“Lock the door (Reviewer’s comment: from the inside to keep yourself from driving to the rental place and renting this one), close the blinds, draw up your comforter and get set for more thrills, spills, and chills (comment: ummm, where are they?) with the third installment of Creepshow.  Five new ghoulishly clever takes (comment: ummm…no) on the classic ‘50s horror comics, each an exercise in pure terror (read: drivel). 

Hair-raising tales about alternative realities, demonic possession, and blood-sucking vampires.  Nail-biting yarns about serial killers, mad scientists, and hauntings from beyond the grave (comment: aren’t all hauntings from beyond the grave?).  It’s all here in Creepshow 3, your ticket to more merrily macabre fun (comment: you’ll want you hard-earned money back if you buy this ticket).”

Somehow or another George Romero seemingly lost the rights to both the Day of the Dead and Creepshow names and these opportunists bought them up.  They’ve made a sequel to Day of the Dead that should’ve stayed dead and have now turned their attentions to the Creepshow franchise.  In the special features director Jim Dudelson says that they’ve been “threatening” the fanbase to make Creepshow 3 and a truer use of words has never been spoken – too bad they finally followed through on the threat.  To say the film is horrible might actually be doing it a favor, it sucks.  Our fiends take us through five tales of crap that really don’t make too much sense.  The movie starts with what looks like flash animation and pretty crappy animation at that about a kid killing a dog then opening a hotdog stand. 

The first defecation is called Alice and has to do with a universal remote that changes things in her universe (that sounds familiar), not that she seems to notice when she starts to deform.  At this point would be a good time and reach for your remote and hit to off button, unfortunately your critic didn’t have that option.  The second bowel movement is called the Radio and is about a guy who buys a radio from a bum then the radio starts to talk to him and tell him what to do. 

The turd one is Rachel the Call Girl who is a serial killer and her next john turns out to be a vampire (or demon or some other thing).  Professor Dayton’s wife is next and is about his bumbling students who think his wife is a robot, because the old coot of a Prof could never score such a babe, and proceed to disassemble her to see how she works.

The final diarrheic movement is about an asshole of a doctor who gives the hot dog he dropped to a homeless guy who chokes to death on it and the homeless guy’s spirit pursues the doc offering him the hotdog in question.  Since most of my description mention something about bowel movements you can imagine what I thought of the acting as well – sh*t! 

Simply put – this film is a waste of your time (and precious toilet paper).  What makes it even worse is they’re playing on the fact that people will have fond memories of Creepshow (well, at least the first one) and hope to generate rentals by cashing in on the name. 

Creepshow 3 is presented in anamorphic widescreen (1.85:1) and is enhanced for 16x9 televisions.  Special features include the 24-minute “Behind-the-Scenes” featurette.  It’s the usual ass-kiss fest, but in a truly boggling move it seems they spent the budget on the featurette and not the feature.

It has much better comic book style transitions than the actual feature!  One of the actors even thinks that this steaming pile of doo is the “best written [Creepshow] of the three” – this guy smoking crack or what?!? 

The “featurette that’s much better than the feature” interviews 1st AD Brian Hennessy, co-director/producer Jim Dudelson, co-director/writer/editor Ana Clavell, Stephanie Pettee (“Alice”), Emmett McGuire (“Prof. Dayton”), Kris Allen (“Dr. Farwell”), writer (of the Call Girl segment) Pablo Pappano, writer (of the Hot Dog segment) Scott Frazelle, Ryan Carty (“Victor” the vampire/demon/thing), special makeup FX supervisor Gregg McDougall, and Bo Kresic (“Kathy” Prof. Dayton’s wife). 

Horrible acting, writing, directing, and just about everything else, I’d save your money and stay well away from this steaming pile.  You don’t want to put your foot in it. 

Creepshow 3 is now available at Amazon. As of yet, there is not a release date for the UK. Visit the DVD database for more information.