DVD Review: Flight of Fury

Unless you are a card-carrying, pony-tail brandishing, man-girdle wearing member of the Steven Seagal fan-club, stay away from Flight of Fury.

Here’s the plot of the movie in a nutshell: a super-stealth plane is stolen by an American pilot. The plane is taken to Banansistan, near northern Afghanistan, where a terrorist group is waiting with a biological bomb. The plan is for the invisible plane to drop one biological bomb in Europe and the other in the U.S. And of course, the fate of all humanity is in the hands of John Sands (Seagal).

Anyone over the age of fifteen that’s seen even a few action films could guess how this painfully stilted movie unfolds. However, for the sake of the review, I will pretend that my good readers were recently found in caves. The premise of Flight of Fury is wholly the product of Mr. Seagal and his latest director, Micheal Keusch. Mr. Keusch’s credentials are limited to the latest direct-to-video films featuring Mr. Seagal, ‘Attack Force,’ ‘Shadow Man,’ and the film under review. All three films were shot and produced at Castel Studios in Romania. Stay far away from this movie. There is nothing funny, enlightening, moving, or even entertaining about Flight of Fury. It’s rare that a film fails to meet even the most basic qualities of a movie going experience.

Stay far away from this movie. There is nothing funny, enlightening, moving, or even entertaining about Flight of Fury. It’s rare that a film fails to meet even the most basic qualities of a movie going experience.Our story begins in Northern California. But it is a strange California, one with bare, boxy buildings of cement and flat roofs where all the cars look like Yugos. It is in this un-Californicated “California” that John Sands (Steven Seagal) is being held in a maximum security facility. As the movie opens, Mr. Sands is heavily guarded and is about to be experimented upon or executed. One of the many wonders of such a poorly written movie is that the viewer is required to ask no questions. You see, just as the mysterious Mr. Sands is to be injected by the doctor, the assisting nurse passes a scalpel to the condemned Mr. Sands while outside a janitor has begun to accost the guards. Who is the nurse? Who is the janitor? Who do they work for and why are they helping John Sands? Now, now, don’t you trouble yourself with facts, by the end of the film, they’ll be dozens of plot holes that you’ll just have to accept. For now, in the first five-minutes of the movie, just accept that a jail break succeeded with no explanation and John Sands rode to freedom on the canopy of the janitor’s truck. Meanwhile, at Edwards Air Force Base, a top-secret plane with the ability to actually “cloak” itself is being tested. The plane looks like an F-117 Stealth Bomber but is called an X-77, and it has super-secret technology: the jet can actually disappear. But in an age when U.S. astronauts drive cross-country, diapered and armed, one almost expects the worst from pilots. Indeed, the young pilot turns the cloaking switch on during the test flight and sets a course for Banansistan. Yes, good reader, you read that correctly, the latest addition to the Axis of Evil is Banansistan! But do not fret I have a sneaking suspicion that multiple round-house kicks to the head are required to find that piece of heaven on a map. I also suspect that Gwen Stefani penned their national anthem. But I digress.Eventually, due to a run-in with a small town police force, Sands (Seagal) is reunited with a former military chum, General Barnes (Angus MacInnes ‘Hellboy’). As in ‘Rambo’ and other films of this ilk, the General promises to clear up all charges against Sands if he will do the country a favor, retrieve the stolen X-77.As Sands (Seagal) and his co-pilot/replacement Captain Jannick (Mark Bazeley ‘The Queen’), speed toward Banansistan, we learn more about the terrorists. The leader of the terrorist group is a man named Stone (Vincenzo Nicoli ‘Rabbit Fever’), an Oxford educated man whose mother was killed during the original Gulf War and now wants revenge. His assistant, Eliana (Katie Jones ‘Deserter’) is a local Banansistanian woman who is a beautiful and fierce leader of the local mercenaries. Together, with the flight skills of the American pilot, they will deploy the biological bombs on Europe and the U.S.Upon arriving in Bananistan, Sands (Seagal) meets up with his local contact Rojar (Alki David ‘The Freediver’). Their next step is to locate their other partner Jessica (Ciera Payton). This being Ms. Payton’s cinematic debut, Messrs Seagal and Keusch, the classy gentlemen they are, made sure to assign her a brief girl-on-girl scene. But nothing distracts our trio as they develop the classic Seagalian plan to rescue the stealth-bomber – “You guys blow some stuff up and get killed creating a diversion. I’ll walk in the back door, wave my arms around, and they’ll all fall down.”In fact, by this point in the movie, you’ll wish someone would knock you out. There are also no extras or commentaries to illuminate this classic for you. You get what you get. But I won’t spoil the rest of this thriller; if you’re that curious you’ll have to pay – God knows I did. As if there weren’t enough moments of mental dissonance in Flight of Fury, allow me to add another. According to the General Barnes, the X-77 uses an electromagnetic pulse to attain its cloaked status. And if you’re on your fifth Heineken, that may sound like the most brilliant notion since objectivism. However, a quick Googling will bring about interesting points regarding the F-117’s navigational susceptibility to electromagnetic pulses, such as solar flares. But who am I? I’m sure Mr. Seagal worked those bugs out on a cocktail napkin.So what’s my final word? Stay far away from this movie. There is nothing funny, enlightening, moving, or even entertaining about Flight of Fury. It’s rare that a film fails to meet even the most basic qualities of a movie going experience. Rather than transport, this film will distort, rather than illuminate, this movie will confuse, as viewer’s we all deserve a better experience than Flight of Fury. Flight of Fury is now available at Amazon. As of yet, there is not a release date for the UK. Visit the DVD database for more information.

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Bill James Review on Flight of FuryFeb 26th, 2007 - 03:04:31

After reading Bill James review I was very disappointed. My favorite all time movies are James Bond movies, all of which, according to his googling tactics to find the truth in what according to his standards would amount to documentaries, would be no good - the Mr. Fleming and Brocoli too bad for you, your movies according to Bill James I believe would be no good. I think Mr. James should review school work, or text books, or documentaries...maybe the mating rituals of the tribes in Africa, but Mr. James, please, please, please, if you have no imagination, and you are not entertained unless you can 'Google' to prove the validity of the story, let the story critiqueing up to the fans. You, I am so sorry to tell you, are NOT the gold standard of what people like...no matter who gave you the ability to post your little reviews. People like you make me ill. I bet you think that it's cool to have gender-challenged individuals tell models how to walk and judge the 'best dressed' on the red carpet?! Steven Seagal is the only 'manly-man' out there in Hollywood these days, and because goof-balls like you, for whatever reason, don't like him - well, too bad. The sad thing is there are many people who succomb to the 'sheep' standard, the bright side, MANY DON'T. Writing is an 'art' where you paint a picture with words... If you've ever noticed there are MANY things in movies you could 'Google' that aren't real. I guess Stephen Speilburg stinks too, huh? That Jurassic Park movie was a real flusher, huh!? If you can't be open minded I say find another job.

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Umm yeahFeb 26th, 2007 - 13:52:51

Steven Seagal is the only manly man in Hollywood??????? Have you not seen how bad Seagal's last few films were??? And it isn't just Bill James hammering Seagal's movies.

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Steven Seagal is the John Wayne of TodayFeb 26th, 2007 - 15:29:57

I've seen all of Steven Seagal's movies, and YES he is the only manly-man in Hollywood according to my standards. There are many attractive men in Hollywood, but none that leave a woman feeling like they would really make 'her' feel safe. In my mother's day she had a lot of macho men, because in her day you weren't 'told' what you liked. Just for the record I attended one of Mr. Seagal's concerts and wanted to make sure everyone saw it that wanted to - and EVERY WOMAN I TOLD ABOUT IT WAS WEAK IN THE KNEES WITH EXCITEMENT. Women love Steven Seagal. At the concert women were flocking to the stage to try to get access to Steven Seagal in a frenzy. Steven Seagal's music, his movies, his persona, his essence...ALL ROCK! And I can only think if you don't see that you are either...well, a bit green with envy or you butter your bread on the wrong side of the toast :)

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SeagalAddictAug 14th, 2007 - 17:26:42

Wow!!! You must be a witch, girl. You went into my head, and printed everything you saw there about The Great Steven. Have you noticed that it's nearly always 'men' who seem to take a dislike to Steven? Now, I often wonder why that is, you know what I mean?.

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