“Argh” – this reviewer after viewing Yellowbeard
It should’ve been a comedy classic with the cast. Bits of the casts of Young Frankenstein, Monty Python, Cheech, Chong, Peter Cook, and the Goon Show did not a pirate’s treasure make in the DVD release of Yellowbeard.
Yellowbeard (Graham Chapman) is one of the most feared pirates on the seven seas. He and his partner Mr. Moon (Peter Boyle) plunder every galleon they could get their hands on. Well, Mr. Moon loses one of those hands in a dreadful treasure chest closing incident that makes him pretty angry at Captain Yellowbeard. Yellowbeard is arrested on tax evasion (shades of Al Capone) and imprisoned, but he buried his vast fortune and didn’t tell Moon where.
Yellowbeard is sentenced to 20 years and his time is about up. Gilbert (Marty Feldman) is one of Yellowbeard’s former shipmates and is in prison with him trying to relieve him of the burden of the knowledge of where the treasure is buried, Commander Clement (Eric Idle) is announced to the Queen by Spike Milligan of Goon Show fame. The Queen (Peter Bull – don’t ask) and Lady Churchill (Susannah York) need the money, so they put the plan of Commander Clement into action. They sentence Yellowbeard to 140 more years in prison so that he’ll escape and they will follow him to the treasure - which is exactly what he does.
He takes off to the inn where Betty (Madeline Kahn) is to fetch the map that he left in her care and finds that she doesn’t have it. However, he’s under the watchful ear of spy Blind Pew (John Cleese). Seems that Mr. Beard raped Mrs. Beard (who considered it a “cuddle”) and the result was Dan (Martin Hewitt). For securities’ sake Mrs. Beard tattooed the map on Dan’s head when he was an infant and locked him in a cabinet for three years until his hair covered the map [insert rimshot here]. Mr. Beard sets out to lop off Dan’s head, but he convinces dear old dad that they should set out to find the treasure together – father and son bonding you know.
I'll just take your head with me
To that end, Dan, Lord Lambourn (Peter Cook), and Dr. Gilpen (Michael Hordern) are shanghaied onto the ship of Captain Hughes (James Mason) by Moon while looking to charter a ship to get to the island. This is all part of Moon’s plan to find the treasure. Yellowbeard follows, of course, and stow away on board and steers the ship towards the island where the treasure is. They make it to the island, which by chance has the fortress of El Nebuloso (Tommy Chong) and his faithful servant El Segundo (Cheech Marin) on it. Kenneth Mars (in a dual role), Bernard Fox, Ferdy Mayne, Beryl Reid and David Bowie show up in the proceedings.
Just look at that cast up there. I’ll wait here while you do it, not going to go anywhere. With that cast, this movie should be comedy pirate’s gold. Unfortunately, it turns out more like parrot droppings.
Chapman is fine, Kahn performs admirably as usual, John Cleese does reliable ear-work as Blind Pew, and Eric Idle is pretty good in his role. Cheech and Chong, especially Chong, just don’t seem to work. Peter Boyle isn’t particularly funny either.
Sadly this was Marty Feldman’s last film. He had a massive heart attack while filming in Argentina and died on the way to the hospital (supposedly the ambulance was stuck in traffic). His character is killed off with an easy to spot stunt double. Maybe it’s the death of Feldman that casts a pall over the film?
Yellowbeard is presented in anamorphic widescreen (1.85:1) and enhanced for 16x9 televisions. I do believe that this is the first time that the film has been presented in its original aspect ratio, so Yellowbeard fans rejoice. No pirate’s booty for you though – there are no special features, not even the trailer.
I have a plan
I’m sure it has its fans, but I found Yellowbeard pretty unfunny this time around. I think that the problem is that all the cast has been in better, funnier films. It makes you want to watch THOSE films again. I don’t know what went wrong, writers Peter Cook and Graham Chapman are funny fellows and there are some funny scenes in there. It’s just the unfunny stuff takes up way too much of the running time of the film.
Yellowbeard is now available for pre-order at Amazon for a June 27th release. As of yet, there is not a release date for the UK. Visit the DVD’s database for more information.
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