Book Review: Pressured Parents, Stressed Out Kids

By Sandy Amazeen Dec 27, 2007, 23:10 GMT

In today’s fast moving, ultra competitive world, childhood competition begins from the earliest developmental milestones like crawling and continues with getting into the “right” preschool, excelling at sports, music, class work, endless auditions, tryouts, tests and admission to a prestigious collage. Parents, no matter how well intended, get caught up in the emotional competitive spiral that psychology professor Grolnick convincingly argues is part of our basic genetic makeup. Although it is perfectly normal for parents to want their children to be the best they can possibly be, that competitive mindset can have numerous detrimental effects on their children.

With over thirty years of experience between them, authors Grolnick and Seal address the three key issues of autonomy, connectedness and competence that parents need to focus on in order to maximize their child’s potential. Dubbed the Self-Determination Theory, the authors believe children are born with an intrinsic motivation to learn. This accessible guide presents examples and the tools parents can use to tap into this drive while allowing their children room to explore, make mistakes and develop into competent adults. At the same time, parents learn how to control their emotional responses, deal with the stress that comes with parenting in general and competitiveness in particular without exerting undue pressure on their children. This well researched “how to” guide to better parenting is worth considering as it outlines ways of encouraging children to excel without screaming, tantrums and the stress of failure.