Posted by April MacIntyre Jan 20, 2010, 17:20 GMT
Paying attention to John Mayer for me is limited to the occasional "did he slip Perez Hilton the tongue? why YES he did" blurbs seen on blogs, and pictures with past loves Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson and tattooed-sleeve baring pictorials staring up at me from Details and now Rolling Stone magazine.
Master Baitor: John Mayer - © Albert L. Ortega / PR Photos
Thanks to his unfiltered streams of consciousness delivered via the latest tool for any self-respecting journalist to mine: Twitter, Mayer is an open book of self-important blather for all to enjoy.
Mayer brings his brand of pithy one-liners to the magazine, telling them what he thinks of girls who "blow him off" in clubs: ”Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!”
A few choice excerpts from the latest Rolling Stone interview with Mayer:
John on the fine art of Onanism:
"I am the new generation of masturbator. I've seen it all. Before I make coffee, I've seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week. I mean, I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn't pick up because I'm masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don't jerk off because I'm horny. I'm sort of half-chick. It¹s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It's like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself."
John on Jennifer Aniston:
"I'm the asshole. I burned the American flag. I basically murdered an ideal. I've never really gotten over it. It was one of the worst times of my life. I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for the people I've had relationships with. What would I be saying to Jen, who I think is fucking fantastic, if I said to her, 'I don't dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well. But I have to back out of this because it doesn't arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life, this is not my ideal destiny.' I'll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing. It's been a long time since I've felt attached. Think of how much mental capacity I'm using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a fuck about it."
John's may be Gay ways:
"I don't care about anything other than energy. That's why people think, 'Is he bi? Is he that?' I've never slept with a man. But I get it. I've seen pictures of men on the Internet that are sexier than pictures of most women."
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