Bill Maher, Seth MacFarlane and Whitney Cummings on Leno VIDEOS

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Bill Maher, Seth MacFarlane and Whitney Cummings on Leno VIDEOS

Bill Maher, Seth MacFarlane and Whitney Cummings on Leno VIDEOS

Tonight: Bill Maher gives his analysis of President Obama’s State of the Union address and asks why there was no mention of marijuana.

Later, Maher brings out surprise guest Seth MacFarlane to dedicate a song to Jay. Whitney Cummings thanks Jay for always supporting her throughout her career.

Jennifer Nettles performs.

JAY LENO’S MONOLOGUE

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 29, 2014

AS YOU KNOW, PRESIDENT OBAMA GAVE HIS STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS LAST NIGHT; VERY GOOD SPEECH. PRESIDENT OBAMA SAYS HE WANTS TO GIVE “AMERICA A RAISE.” HE’S JUST WAITING, OF COURSE, FOR FINAL APPROVAL FROM CHINA. AS SOON AS THEY SAY IT’S OK, THEN WE’LL MOVE AHEAD.

THE PRESIDENT SAID THAT UNEMPLOYMENT IS DROPPING, BUT CRITICS CLAIM IT DOESN’T INCLUDE PEOPLE WHO HAVE LEFT THE WORKFORCE. HOW ABOUT PEOPLE WHO WERE ASKED TO LEAVE THE WORKFORCE LIKE ME? ARE WE INCLUDED IN THAT? I’M NOT SURE.

IT WAS A PRETTY IMPASSIONATE SPEECH LAST NIGHT; PRESIDENT OBAMA ASKED THAT AMERICANS PITCH IN AND HELP THOSE WHO ARE MOST DOWN ON THEIR LUCK – LIKE THE LAKERS. I THINK HE MENTIONED THEM BY NAME.

THIS IS KIND OF INTERESTING; IN A SPEECH IN THE AUTO DEALERS ASSOCIATION THE OTHER DAY, HILLARY CLINTON SAID THAT SHE HASN’T DRIVEN A CAR SINCE 1996. WHEN ASKED WHY, SHE SAID THAT IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO KEEP HER EYES ON THE ROAD AND ON BILL AT THE SAME TIME . . .

HERE’S A SHOCKING STORY; IT SEEMS THAT ENGLAND’S ROYAL FAMILY IS RUNNING OUT OF MONEY. THEY ARE DOWN TO JUST $1.6 MILLION! WELL SURE, THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN NOBODY IN YOUR FAMILY HAS HAD A JOB FOR THE LAST THOUSAND YEARS.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS TV COMMERCIAL, I SAW IT LAST NIGHT, WHERE THIS WOMAN COMES ON AND SHE SAYS, “DO YOU HAVE DIARRHEA, GAS, OR BLOATING?” THEN I REALIZED IT WAS AN AD FOR ROYAL CARIBBEAN CRUISES.

WHAT A HORRIBLE VACATION STORY THAT IS! IT SEEMS THAT 600 PEOPLE ON ROYAL CARIBBEAN CRUISE STARTED VOMITING AND STARTED SUFFERING FROM SEVERE DIARRHEA. HERE’S HOW BAD IT IS: ROYAL CARIBBEAN CRUISES HAS NOW CHANGED THEIR NAME TO “TACO BELL OF THE SEA.”

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